am sad
shall list why self is sad.
am sad because life is ruined
am sad because chinese is tommorrow and chinese sucks
am sad because ss is a subject that can never be memorised completely.
am sad because does not know ALL the levels of response.
am sad because lit is on the same day as math and self is gonna fail both
am sad because there isn't time to study
am sad because self can't seem to study
am sad because self really does not want to go to CJC
am sad because self is quite hesistant in bribing way into RJC
am sad because self would much prefer CTC
am sad because most of closest friends are leaving
am sad because self is not leaving along with them
am sad becasue self wishes to leave
am sad because self feels like a moron
am sad because self has about 10kgs worth of fats to lose
am sad because self does not want to go for grad
am sad because self was forced to pay for grad
am sad because self is gonna screw Os
am sad because self was just one step away from CTC
am sad because self feels betrayed
am sad because self feels uncertain about life
am sad because self just knows self will be drowning in poverty
am sad because self is not financially independent
am sad because self does not have money to send self overseas
am sad because 1 month doesn't seem enough of playtime
am sad because self could actually be a lot happier
am sad because self should be studying chinese but is distracted
as can be seen, self is thoroughly sad.
scratch that.
self is not sad.
self is simply devastated.
somebody help me out of this hell-hole.
shall list why self is sad.
am sad because life is ruined
am sad because chinese is tommorrow and chinese sucks
am sad because ss is a subject that can never be memorised completely.
am sad because does not know ALL the levels of response.
am sad because lit is on the same day as math and self is gonna fail both
am sad because there isn't time to study
am sad because self can't seem to study
am sad because self really does not want to go to CJC
am sad because self is quite hesistant in bribing way into RJC
am sad because self would much prefer CTC
am sad because most of closest friends are leaving
am sad because self is not leaving along with them
am sad becasue self wishes to leave
am sad because self feels like a moron
am sad because self has about 10kgs worth of fats to lose
am sad because self does not want to go for grad
am sad because self was forced to pay for grad
am sad because self is gonna screw Os
am sad because self was just one step away from CTC
am sad because self feels betrayed
am sad because self feels uncertain about life
am sad because self just knows self will be drowning in poverty
am sad because self is not financially independent
am sad because self does not have money to send self overseas
am sad because 1 month doesn't seem enough of playtime
am sad because self could actually be a lot happier
am sad because self should be studying chinese but is distracted
as can be seen, self is thoroughly sad.
scratch that.
self is not sad.
self is simply devastated.
somebody help me out of this hell-hole.
have decided to blog since i havent anything else to do online and i don't want to just turn the machine off and start feeling cheated later.
chinese will be my staple for the day.
pffft.
i'm shit terrified about lit now.
beyond petrified that i won't get my 1 and i will hate myself for life.
don't think i could ever forgive myself for my lousy lit prelim marks.
the very thought of it pains me ):
i'm being melodramatic.
ruined my new black pen doing math yesterday.
rats.
someone remind me not to fling my pens around when i'm sick of math.
now i have no pen to use tomorrow.
and i simply refuse to use the pens i bought for the prelims.
since you know, there's .. bad karma.
will have to buy somemore today.
tch.
waste my time.
i still don't think im ready for the Os.
chinese will be my staple for the day.
pffft.
i'm shit terrified about lit now.
beyond petrified that i won't get my 1 and i will hate myself for life.
don't think i could ever forgive myself for my lousy lit prelim marks.
the very thought of it pains me ):
i'm being melodramatic.
ruined my new black pen doing math yesterday.
rats.
someone remind me not to fling my pens around when i'm sick of math.
now i have no pen to use tomorrow.
and i simply refuse to use the pens i bought for the prelims.
since you know, there's .. bad karma.
will have to buy somemore today.
tch.
waste my time.
i still don't think im ready for the Os.
Saturday, October 30, 2004
brendan says this:
Thursday, October 28, 2004
some sick fiend has cleared my desk.
now, it's neat as a bloody pin.
it feels like foreign territory.
i can't bear to look at it.
which is quite contradictory since to type as i am now, i have to look at my desk.
but sheesh, imagine my shock when i saw it.
i came into the room and was all, "hello everybody! .. OH MY GOD, WHO MESSED UP MY TABLE?!"
it's terrible.
no more of that familiar and comforting clutter which had stayed with me through my numerous hours of darkness.
i am quite traumatized.
i am also very bored.
nobody updates anymore!
and i therefore have to resort to just reading MINE.
is that sad, or is that sad?
and thing is, even i make myself bored.
beyond sad.
at charlotte's house to study again today.
to give myself credit, i did in fact try to do some hardcore studying.
but sometimes, you have to compromise because of the unique circumstances.
can i help it if my companions provide such delightful entertainment?
i aspire to add some substance to my words.
was wondering though,
can i bribe my way into RJ?
because i really want to wear that uniform.
but i'm never going to have the chance to with my abysmal grades.
have decided that since i have no chance at england,
i might as well bribe myself into RJ since that (very misplaced) elitist in me only wants to be surrounded by the wealthy and the very intelligent.
then i can find myself a rich, smart male,
marry him,
and then proceed to be that proverbial woman behind the successful man.
sounds like an idea, eh.
i will sleep at 12 today.
it's about time i slept early.
sleeping for only 5 hours each day is taking a toll on my mental and physical well-being.
my emotional well-being has already been ruined, so that's a non-entity.
i'm still suffering from denial that the Olevels are in a few days.
i wish i was in GEP.
but then again, doesn't everyone?
now, it's neat as a bloody pin.
it feels like foreign territory.
i can't bear to look at it.
which is quite contradictory since to type as i am now, i have to look at my desk.
but sheesh, imagine my shock when i saw it.
i came into the room and was all, "hello everybody! .. OH MY GOD, WHO MESSED UP MY TABLE?!"
it's terrible.
no more of that familiar and comforting clutter which had stayed with me through my numerous hours of darkness.
i am quite traumatized.
i am also very bored.
nobody updates anymore!
and i therefore have to resort to just reading MINE.
is that sad, or is that sad?
and thing is, even i make myself bored.
beyond sad.
at charlotte's house to study again today.
to give myself credit, i did in fact try to do some hardcore studying.
but sometimes, you have to compromise because of the unique circumstances.
can i help it if my companions provide such delightful entertainment?
i aspire to add some substance to my words.
was wondering though,
can i bribe my way into RJ?
because i really want to wear that uniform.
but i'm never going to have the chance to with my abysmal grades.
have decided that since i have no chance at england,
i might as well bribe myself into RJ since that (very misplaced) elitist in me only wants to be surrounded by the wealthy and the very intelligent.
then i can find myself a rich, smart male,
marry him,
and then proceed to be that proverbial woman behind the successful man.
sounds like an idea, eh.
i will sleep at 12 today.
it's about time i slept early.
sleeping for only 5 hours each day is taking a toll on my mental and physical well-being.
my emotional well-being has already been ruined, so that's a non-entity.
i'm still suffering from denial that the Olevels are in a few days.
i wish i was in GEP.
but then again, doesn't everyone?
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
spent almost the whole day in charlotte's house studying.
did more than i did in weeks.
but still not a lot.
do not feel very accomplished.
am very tired though.
still have math tuition in 15minutes.
am tired, do not wish to go.
sentences are butchered as self is truly exhausted.
sister is watching a very gay show.
am distracted.
have decided that confuscius jokes are very funny.
shall remind self to never drink water when mulling over jokes.
feeling of water going right up my nose is quite a harrowing experience.
chicken rice for lunch.
hasn't eaten rice for a long time.
was not bad, i think.
one hour sleep after lunch was most satisfying.
suddenly thought that it was rather amazing that all 3 of us woke at approximately the same time.
maybe it's the confines if the living room.
am finding self to be very frivolous.
does keep thinking of dratted weather.
very warm though it rained.
this is a very sad entry.
do not like this entry very much.
off to math.
is tired.
did more than i did in weeks.
but still not a lot.
do not feel very accomplished.
am very tired though.
still have math tuition in 15minutes.
am tired, do not wish to go.
sentences are butchered as self is truly exhausted.
sister is watching a very gay show.
am distracted.
have decided that confuscius jokes are very funny.
shall remind self to never drink water when mulling over jokes.
feeling of water going right up my nose is quite a harrowing experience.
chicken rice for lunch.
hasn't eaten rice for a long time.
was not bad, i think.
one hour sleep after lunch was most satisfying.
suddenly thought that it was rather amazing that all 3 of us woke at approximately the same time.
maybe it's the confines if the living room.
am finding self to be very frivolous.
does keep thinking of dratted weather.
very warm though it rained.
this is a very sad entry.
do not like this entry very much.
off to math.
is tired.
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
i'm most fucking irritated now.
i can't tag myself.
neither can i tag charlotte nor clare.
and i refuse to believe tagboard is down.
fuck my computer.
by the way, i just realised that my tagboard is of the priggish kind.
is it the norm?
or is my tagboard the only damn board that puts a * in the middle of a perfectly fine word such as f*ck.
what the hell is that, dammit?
i'm in quite the cussing mood now.
i can hear bits of the conversation my mom is having on the phone.
from her hushed tone,
harsh at points too,
i can most certainly conclude it is my dad.
and they are most definitely discussing me.
ah, fuck that.
and i heard one line that quite alarmed me.
my mom was actually explaining what a blog was to my dad.
HOW THE FUCK DOES SHE KNOW WHAT IT IS?
and since she evidently does know,
and she was discussing that in conjuncture to me and the complications surrounding my life at the moment, i hereby solemnly conclude that the dear lady might have read my recent extremely bitter words and very bitter philosophizing about prisoners and mice and singapore.
the thought is rather disturbing.
my mother cannot know that i am completely on a mental and emotional breakdown now.
that will completely ruin my facade of silent dignity
(well, minus that 5 or 6 times where i just broke down because i could not believe the hell i was being put through. at this tender age too. though i did believe i hid most of them pretty well. i stress, most)
i just read another blog i havent read before.
it is most amusing.
much like tuckermax.
except with a local flavour.
and a lot of very long, intellectual-looking, literature-ish words peppering his description of his life which never fails to attract me.
rafflesians are just too interesting.
i wish i was smart enough to be one.
oh, and as a point of interest,
i once had a monitor in primary1 who was beyond smart.
she scored 100 marks for about EVERYTHING.
she amazed me thoroughly.
imagine the envy too.
i was a very bland, average student with my average mid-to-low-nineties kind of marks.
and i thought,"man, this girl is so gonna have one heck of a future."
(above line should be phrased in a kiddish way of course)
but around primary3, she just disappeared into thin air.
and i went around asking everybody about the whereabouts of this enigmatic genius.
nobody could tell me.
and then, just a day ago, i found her FINALLY.
she took the gifted test in primary3 and was, well, gifted.
off she went to nanyang primary and then in sec school, RGS.
still GEP of course.
and i finally realised why nobody but me seemed to have heard of her.
her name is charmaine.
all this time, i thought it was alicia.
i thought my density in this matter was quite hilarious :D
i can't tag myself.
neither can i tag charlotte nor clare.
and i refuse to believe tagboard is down.
fuck my computer.
by the way, i just realised that my tagboard is of the priggish kind.
is it the norm?
or is my tagboard the only damn board that puts a * in the middle of a perfectly fine word such as f*ck.
what the hell is that, dammit?
i'm in quite the cussing mood now.
i can hear bits of the conversation my mom is having on the phone.
from her hushed tone,
harsh at points too,
i can most certainly conclude it is my dad.
and they are most definitely discussing me.
ah, fuck that.
and i heard one line that quite alarmed me.
my mom was actually explaining what a blog was to my dad.
HOW THE FUCK DOES SHE KNOW WHAT IT IS?
and since she evidently does know,
and she was discussing that in conjuncture to me and the complications surrounding my life at the moment, i hereby solemnly conclude that the dear lady might have read my recent extremely bitter words and very bitter philosophizing about prisoners and mice and singapore.
the thought is rather disturbing.
my mother cannot know that i am completely on a mental and emotional breakdown now.
that will completely ruin my facade of silent dignity
(well, minus that 5 or 6 times where i just broke down because i could not believe the hell i was being put through. at this tender age too. though i did believe i hid most of them pretty well. i stress, most)
i just read another blog i havent read before.
it is most amusing.
much like tuckermax.
except with a local flavour.
and a lot of very long, intellectual-looking, literature-ish words peppering his description of his life which never fails to attract me.
rafflesians are just too interesting.
i wish i was smart enough to be one.
oh, and as a point of interest,
i once had a monitor in primary1 who was beyond smart.
she scored 100 marks for about EVERYTHING.
she amazed me thoroughly.
imagine the envy too.
i was a very bland, average student with my average mid-to-low-nineties kind of marks.
and i thought,"man, this girl is so gonna have one heck of a future."
(above line should be phrased in a kiddish way of course)
but around primary3, she just disappeared into thin air.
and i went around asking everybody about the whereabouts of this enigmatic genius.
nobody could tell me.
and then, just a day ago, i found her FINALLY.
she took the gifted test in primary3 and was, well, gifted.
off she went to nanyang primary and then in sec school, RGS.
still GEP of course.
and i finally realised why nobody but me seemed to have heard of her.
her name is charmaine.
all this time, i thought it was alicia.
i thought my density in this matter was quite hilarious :D
my entry about suicidal methods has been grossly misinterpreted.
i don't think i like joojoo very much.
she is really quite dumb.
the way she types , y'know?
and she called me 'yuan'.
what a fucked up way to call me.
nobody calls me that.
joojoo, i hope to know who you are.
my knuckles would like to meet your face.
(oh, but don't get scared and flee. i would very much like to hear from you again)
talking to clare after physics pract today was surprisingly theraputic.
i think i might very well just force my way into CTC.
why should i let others ruin my life so easily?
i think i've got my fighting spirit back.
zat ees goood, methinks.
and since we're on the topic, i thought the physics pract was quite sick.
and i'll fight anybody who says it was easy.
i dont know how to plan experiments.
and my plan came up with a negative graph.
lawsonn told me it's actually supposed to be a positive graph.
watch me just wither and die.
i can hear something buzzing away near my sister's laptop.
i think it's a big bee.
i can't see it.
but the zzz-ing sounds quite threatening.
i'm intimidated.
and my sister's off to bed, so she jolly well won't kill it for me.
i find that when i'm feeling mostly more placid, i can't write as lucidly.
is that wierd?
i think it's because there's not much of a subject matter to grouse about.
i hear my mom talking on the phone.
i hope it's not my dad.
the very fact that he shows evidence of his continued existence is ruffling my feathers.
i shouldn't be here.
nobody who's in sec4 should be online at this time.
therefore, to anyone who reads this (if any): GO STUDY!
i don't think i like joojoo very much.
she is really quite dumb.
the way she types , y'know?
and she called me 'yuan'.
what a fucked up way to call me.
nobody calls me that.
joojoo, i hope to know who you are.
my knuckles would like to meet your face.
(oh, but don't get scared and flee. i would very much like to hear from you again)
talking to clare after physics pract today was surprisingly theraputic.
i think i might very well just force my way into CTC.
why should i let others ruin my life so easily?
i think i've got my fighting spirit back.
zat ees goood, methinks.
and since we're on the topic, i thought the physics pract was quite sick.
and i'll fight anybody who says it was easy.
i dont know how to plan experiments.
and my plan came up with a negative graph.
lawsonn told me it's actually supposed to be a positive graph.
watch me just wither and die.
i can hear something buzzing away near my sister's laptop.
i think it's a big bee.
i can't see it.
but the zzz-ing sounds quite threatening.
i'm intimidated.
and my sister's off to bed, so she jolly well won't kill it for me.
i find that when i'm feeling mostly more placid, i can't write as lucidly.
is that wierd?
i think it's because there's not much of a subject matter to grouse about.
i hear my mom talking on the phone.
i hope it's not my dad.
the very fact that he shows evidence of his continued existence is ruffling my feathers.
i shouldn't be here.
nobody who's in sec4 should be online at this time.
therefore, to anyone who reads this (if any): GO STUDY!
Monday, October 25, 2004
a whole day spent out of my house so as not to remind me of the sad things in my life.
school at 8 for physics where i met clare at 7 and we oohed and aahed over seventeen's featured prom dresses.
i still think grad night is the absolute waste of time and money.
left school early and off to novena charlotte and i go.
supposed to study, of course.
but shopping is a much preferred activity.
and get this.
drumroll please.
charlotte got herself a GUCCI bag!
is she not the coolest spendthrift around?
i think NETS is probably about the best invention in the world.
so charlotte has now a totally cool school bag.
but she's also totally paranoid that someone's gonna rob her.
i hope her mom doesnt get too huffy about the money spent.
wish clare had been there.
i'd bet she would have looked at it as lovingly as i did.
just like a proud mama.
then off to macs where charlotte and i concluded that i am the perfect friend.
(okay, charlotte listed the criteria and i identified a little of myself in every criteria)
damn,
i should just change my name officially to 'lee the perfect friend'.
i could give out namecards, even.
come, come everybody! let lee the perfect friend be YOUR friend!
am i not the jolliest person around now?
i think i'm quite good at this.
jolly lee.
it even rhymes!
WOW.
joojoo has come flame me.
i am so excited.
except i cant see my tag board.
quite annoying, that.
but oh well, come flame me however you want!
i dont mind.
it is much needed entertainment.
i do not believe the Olevels are finally coming.
my nonchalance is appalling.
but i am not very bothered with it,
to hell with it.
i have decided to become a druggie, alchoholic and serial clubber.
funny, since actually last night, i had decided to be a teetotaller.
i changed my mind.
and nobody can fault me.
i am female.
and changing minds constantly is a woman's prerogative.
to hell with life.
i've only got one.
i plan to play it away.
school at 8 for physics where i met clare at 7 and we oohed and aahed over seventeen's featured prom dresses.
i still think grad night is the absolute waste of time and money.
left school early and off to novena charlotte and i go.
supposed to study, of course.
but shopping is a much preferred activity.
and get this.
drumroll please.
charlotte got herself a GUCCI bag!
is she not the coolest spendthrift around?
i think NETS is probably about the best invention in the world.
so charlotte has now a totally cool school bag.
but she's also totally paranoid that someone's gonna rob her.
i hope her mom doesnt get too huffy about the money spent.
wish clare had been there.
i'd bet she would have looked at it as lovingly as i did.
just like a proud mama.
then off to macs where charlotte and i concluded that i am the perfect friend.
(okay, charlotte listed the criteria and i identified a little of myself in every criteria)
damn,
i should just change my name officially to 'lee the perfect friend'.
i could give out namecards, even.
come, come everybody! let lee the perfect friend be YOUR friend!
am i not the jolliest person around now?
i think i'm quite good at this.
jolly lee.
it even rhymes!
WOW.
joojoo has come flame me.
i am so excited.
except i cant see my tag board.
quite annoying, that.
but oh well, come flame me however you want!
i dont mind.
it is much needed entertainment.
i do not believe the Olevels are finally coming.
my nonchalance is appalling.
but i am not very bothered with it,
to hell with it.
i have decided to become a druggie, alchoholic and serial clubber.
funny, since actually last night, i had decided to be a teetotaller.
i changed my mind.
and nobody can fault me.
i am female.
and changing minds constantly is a woman's prerogative.
to hell with life.
i've only got one.
i plan to play it away.
Sunday, October 24, 2004
i think that suicidal thoughts are funny.
especially when they all cant be accomplished easily.
too little panadols, and dying slowly is agony. (imagine all that ugly frothing too)
all windows grilled up (being smashed so small you could fit in a can is not very appealing)
NO BLOODY PENKNIFE. (i think slashing yourself with a kitchen knife is so un-classy. too much blood, besides.)
and besides all that, it's quite ludicrous for a daughter to borrow her mom's car so she could die in there. (also, that legendary pink patch could end up on my forehead instead of my cheeks so i wouldnt look very cheerily dead but instead like a badly made-up carcass)
therefore, i conclude suicide is only for the brave and resourceful.
i think i could perhaps have recovered.
actually okay, thinking back at last night and this morning, not really.
but at least now i seem to have gotten back my warped humour.
am smsing clare now.
she just said that im a 'wuzzy little cute optimistic thing'
amusing way to describe a person in her last dying moments.
(i've decided that i may not go for the above-mentioned methods, but im going to die of heartbreak anyway)
been drowning my sorrows with christina aguilera songs and movies of a very young macaulay culkin.
i think i may change my mind about richie rich.
kevin macallister is really too cute.
i've been listening to 50cent, eminem, nsync, bsb, sean paul, craig david and 5ive to drown my sorrows too.
clearly, all i've been doing is drowning my sorrows.
i've too much sorrow to contend with.
i'm bitter.
this is quite a pivotal moment in my life, i think.
i feel as if my grandma just died. (those superstitious ones, don't bother finding wood to touch. my grandma is long dead. amen to her, rest in peace)
and when someone in the family dies just before an huge exam, people dont do well.
therefore, when i do not do well for the Os, dont look at me accusingly.
you try having your life completely ruined.
it has ocurred to me that charlotte will be the only one around next year.
next year, she will be my one and only bright light.
therefore charlotte,
i love you like a fat kid love cake.
clare is going away,
but she told me an amusing story last night that really succeeded in making laugh out loud
therefore i can forgive her a little for abandoning me
so clare,
i love you like a fat kid love .. muffins.
everybody else is off.
so i'll just have to love bri and phoon and manda like a fat kid love, uh .. cookies.
i think this fat kid of mine is gonna be one really FAT kid.
especially when they all cant be accomplished easily.
too little panadols, and dying slowly is agony. (imagine all that ugly frothing too)
all windows grilled up (being smashed so small you could fit in a can is not very appealing)
NO BLOODY PENKNIFE. (i think slashing yourself with a kitchen knife is so un-classy. too much blood, besides.)
and besides all that, it's quite ludicrous for a daughter to borrow her mom's car so she could die in there. (also, that legendary pink patch could end up on my forehead instead of my cheeks so i wouldnt look very cheerily dead but instead like a badly made-up carcass)
therefore, i conclude suicide is only for the brave and resourceful.
i think i could perhaps have recovered.
actually okay, thinking back at last night and this morning, not really.
but at least now i seem to have gotten back my warped humour.
am smsing clare now.
she just said that im a 'wuzzy little cute optimistic thing'
amusing way to describe a person in her last dying moments.
(i've decided that i may not go for the above-mentioned methods, but im going to die of heartbreak anyway)
been drowning my sorrows with christina aguilera songs and movies of a very young macaulay culkin.
i think i may change my mind about richie rich.
kevin macallister is really too cute.
i've been listening to 50cent, eminem, nsync, bsb, sean paul, craig david and 5ive to drown my sorrows too.
clearly, all i've been doing is drowning my sorrows.
i've too much sorrow to contend with.
i'm bitter.
this is quite a pivotal moment in my life, i think.
i feel as if my grandma just died. (those superstitious ones, don't bother finding wood to touch. my grandma is long dead. amen to her, rest in peace)
and when someone in the family dies just before an huge exam, people dont do well.
therefore, when i do not do well for the Os, dont look at me accusingly.
you try having your life completely ruined.
it has ocurred to me that charlotte will be the only one around next year.
next year, she will be my one and only bright light.
therefore charlotte,
i love you like a fat kid love cake.
clare is going away,
but she told me an amusing story last night that really succeeded in making laugh out loud
therefore i can forgive her a little for abandoning me
so clare,
i love you like a fat kid love .. muffins.
everybody else is off.
so i'll just have to love bri and phoon and manda like a fat kid love, uh .. cookies.
i think this fat kid of mine is gonna be one really FAT kid.
Saturday, October 23, 2004
really do think i'm degenerating into a sad mass of bitterness.
a very fat, sad mass.
i can barely read blogs i usually frequent because i only bother with blogs of people who have the fortune of studying overseas.
therefore, less online entertainment for me.
which is bad, because one then has nothing else to do.
and that will henceforth lead to another load of bitter thoughts about childish naivety and lying old farts.
i have only to resort to reading blogs of those still in this red spot on the map.
i think i may never forgive everyone else who is going overseas.
or myself.
but most certainly the person who ruined it all.
i just dont take kindly to people who're out to get me.
went back to the blog which made me laugh.
i think i could very much develop a habit visiting it.
quite love it, really.
a short fictitious prose almost made me cry.
of course, that could be attributed to my fragile emotional state at the moment.
but there is no denying the beauty in those words.
am making things out to be very seriously maudlin.
not so that much.
i like it anyhow.
what did i say again about liking intelligent males?
i really quite like them smart specimens.
only i dont happen to actually know this person.
just aware he is male.
an intelligent male.
i predict a start of a serious one-sided online love-affair.
it's the pathetic fanclubber kid in me.
i need to idolise someone, somehow.
at least this person is smart.
i wish to sink into the dark abyss that is my gloom.
i wish to completely give it up.
this is not the time for self-indulgence.
i can somehow allow someone to ruin my life, and then proceed to ruin it more myself.
charlotte is quite right.
i am quite the spiteful little thing.
what is wondrous is that i am spiteful not to anyone else but myself.
this is probably being dismissed as teenage angst.
i wonder why i am making things so hard for myself.
and i also wonder why others are making things so hard for me.
i want to shut this out.
but at this moment, where im at the cusp of all that matters, it is quite hard.
i have lived my life with one after another phase of escapism.
sadly, that is sorely unavailable at such a moment.
i cannot sink into utter despair and self-pity as the exams i have been taught since young to fear and revere is but a week away.
to allow a setback such as this to affect results that will stay with me a lifetime is suicidal.
yet, i am unable to get out of this.
i wonder how they expect me to snap out of it quickly when something that have been practically a part of me is gone.
i for one, have never been one to forget easily.
am wishing that my life isn't in tatters.
hope shouldnt be given when there isnt any at all.
that is a most cruel act, i think.
imagine prisoners being told they are given a chance to flee,
then as they run outside towards that greatly needed freedom,
they are shot dead.
like cats which play those cruel games of repeatedly trapping and releasing mice before finally tiring of the game and simply devouring the creature.
barbaric.
am already wondering why i am typing all this on blogger.
but im sick of gripping a pen and writiting on paper.
i truly do think i've become bitter,
ive joked about it.
had long declarations and promises of absolute bitterness.
never did quite think it would come to this.
being bitter is not a nice feeling.
i strongly urge everyone to never allow themselves any bitterness.
nor to trust someone against your gut instincts.
instincts are there for a reason.
probably am making mountains out of molehills,
but when its what's there, why deny it?
i wish to be flippant again and to care only about the dratted weather.
but something just tells me that tertiary education is not to be toyed with.
i feel like singapore after the japanese occupation.
never depend on the larger power for help.
for when in times of great need, they deny you absolutely.
i should hold personal total-defence days annually to remind myself.
only rely on yourself.
a very fat, sad mass.
i can barely read blogs i usually frequent because i only bother with blogs of people who have the fortune of studying overseas.
therefore, less online entertainment for me.
which is bad, because one then has nothing else to do.
and that will henceforth lead to another load of bitter thoughts about childish naivety and lying old farts.
i have only to resort to reading blogs of those still in this red spot on the map.
i think i may never forgive everyone else who is going overseas.
or myself.
but most certainly the person who ruined it all.
i just dont take kindly to people who're out to get me.
went back to the blog which made me laugh.
i think i could very much develop a habit visiting it.
quite love it, really.
a short fictitious prose almost made me cry.
of course, that could be attributed to my fragile emotional state at the moment.
but there is no denying the beauty in those words.
am making things out to be very seriously maudlin.
not so that much.
i like it anyhow.
what did i say again about liking intelligent males?
i really quite like them smart specimens.
only i dont happen to actually know this person.
just aware he is male.
an intelligent male.
i predict a start of a serious one-sided online love-affair.
it's the pathetic fanclubber kid in me.
i need to idolise someone, somehow.
at least this person is smart.
i wish to sink into the dark abyss that is my gloom.
i wish to completely give it up.
this is not the time for self-indulgence.
i can somehow allow someone to ruin my life, and then proceed to ruin it more myself.
charlotte is quite right.
i am quite the spiteful little thing.
what is wondrous is that i am spiteful not to anyone else but myself.
this is probably being dismissed as teenage angst.
i wonder why i am making things so hard for myself.
and i also wonder why others are making things so hard for me.
i want to shut this out.
but at this moment, where im at the cusp of all that matters, it is quite hard.
i have lived my life with one after another phase of escapism.
sadly, that is sorely unavailable at such a moment.
i cannot sink into utter despair and self-pity as the exams i have been taught since young to fear and revere is but a week away.
to allow a setback such as this to affect results that will stay with me a lifetime is suicidal.
yet, i am unable to get out of this.
i wonder how they expect me to snap out of it quickly when something that have been practically a part of me is gone.
i for one, have never been one to forget easily.
am wishing that my life isn't in tatters.
hope shouldnt be given when there isnt any at all.
that is a most cruel act, i think.
imagine prisoners being told they are given a chance to flee,
then as they run outside towards that greatly needed freedom,
they are shot dead.
like cats which play those cruel games of repeatedly trapping and releasing mice before finally tiring of the game and simply devouring the creature.
barbaric.
am already wondering why i am typing all this on blogger.
but im sick of gripping a pen and writiting on paper.
i truly do think i've become bitter,
ive joked about it.
had long declarations and promises of absolute bitterness.
never did quite think it would come to this.
being bitter is not a nice feeling.
i strongly urge everyone to never allow themselves any bitterness.
nor to trust someone against your gut instincts.
instincts are there for a reason.
probably am making mountains out of molehills,
but when its what's there, why deny it?
i wish to be flippant again and to care only about the dratted weather.
but something just tells me that tertiary education is not to be toyed with.
i feel like singapore after the japanese occupation.
never depend on the larger power for help.
for when in times of great need, they deny you absolutely.
i should hold personal total-defence days annually to remind myself.
only rely on yourself.
i'm a very bitter person now.
gee, what do i want to do with my life?
i think i'll just be a piano teacher.
but since i dont play the piano, i think i'll just sweep roads.
so much for being a SBL (for those in the know, HA.HA.HA)
to everyone of my friends who will still be on this blistering hell-hole,
see you in CJ.
if i can even make it in.
but seriously, i dont really care anymore.
i think i'll just be a social worker in cambodia.
or a maid in hongkong.
maybe a dishwasher in a foodcourt.
or how about a factory worker in jurong.
notice a trend?
yes, they all pay peanuts.
but do i care?
of course not.
my life is ruined anyway, why not ruin it more.
wouldnt make a difference if i was miserable or even more miserable.
i'll just live in a one-room flat in ponggol and scrimp and save every month so that i can pay the bloody electricity bill.
which actually wouldnt be all that much since i dont have a tv, or a hi fi set, or an aircon.
all i'll have is a small light bulb hanging from the ceiling so that my sad, dark life could be illuminated with the obscene florescent starkness and i can gaze around in the box i live in and cry my guts out because my life is not even a life.
and i'll just be another of those old ladies who collect cardboard and stamp old coca-cola cans flat to sell them for 36cents everyday SO i can pay my electricity bill.
and everyday, i will watch successful people walking in shenton way while i stamp on my coca-cola can, and i will beat my chest as i am drowning in the pain and jealousy my social abberance is giving me.
all i want to be is a SBL.
is it that hard?
but no, just deny me what i know is best for me.
i dont forgive people who ruin my life.
on a brighter note, writitng so caustically here has made me happier than i have felt since last night.
not much, but at least i can gaze at the sun shining so stealthily away without cursing it for daring to rise when my world is cast into darkness.
my sister made me laugh too.
she's going to beijing and she's convinced she's bringing back a snowflake.
for someone so smart, i'm surprised she doesnt even know such a simple science fact as the fact that heat melts snowflakes.
my sister says," you know what makes you fly? pixie dust and happy thoughts!"
okay, find me some pixie dust and i'll do the rest.
gee, what do i want to do with my life?
i think i'll just be a piano teacher.
but since i dont play the piano, i think i'll just sweep roads.
so much for being a SBL (for those in the know, HA.HA.HA)
to everyone of my friends who will still be on this blistering hell-hole,
see you in CJ.
if i can even make it in.
but seriously, i dont really care anymore.
i think i'll just be a social worker in cambodia.
or a maid in hongkong.
maybe a dishwasher in a foodcourt.
or how about a factory worker in jurong.
notice a trend?
yes, they all pay peanuts.
but do i care?
of course not.
my life is ruined anyway, why not ruin it more.
wouldnt make a difference if i was miserable or even more miserable.
i'll just live in a one-room flat in ponggol and scrimp and save every month so that i can pay the bloody electricity bill.
which actually wouldnt be all that much since i dont have a tv, or a hi fi set, or an aircon.
all i'll have is a small light bulb hanging from the ceiling so that my sad, dark life could be illuminated with the obscene florescent starkness and i can gaze around in the box i live in and cry my guts out because my life is not even a life.
and i'll just be another of those old ladies who collect cardboard and stamp old coca-cola cans flat to sell them for 36cents everyday SO i can pay my electricity bill.
and everyday, i will watch successful people walking in shenton way while i stamp on my coca-cola can, and i will beat my chest as i am drowning in the pain and jealousy my social abberance is giving me.
all i want to be is a SBL.
is it that hard?
but no, just deny me what i know is best for me.
i dont forgive people who ruin my life.
on a brighter note, writitng so caustically here has made me happier than i have felt since last night.
not much, but at least i can gaze at the sun shining so stealthily away without cursing it for daring to rise when my world is cast into darkness.
my sister made me laugh too.
she's going to beijing and she's convinced she's bringing back a snowflake.
for someone so smart, i'm surprised she doesnt even know such a simple science fact as the fact that heat melts snowflakes.
my sister says," you know what makes you fly? pixie dust and happy thoughts!"
okay, find me some pixie dust and i'll do the rest.
Friday, October 22, 2004
i think i must be the saddest, boredest, most idle person around.
ive tried to study history,
played solitaire,
played minesweeper,
doodled multi-coloured cows on paint,
watched half of the idol results show,
(i think slyvester has a very ugly mouth, it makes him look vaguely bovine)
tried to watch the chinese swimming show but was soon turned off.
(fiona xie has got to have got to be the most annoying person on our sunny island, nice eyes and pretty face, notwithstanding. besides, what kind of swimming show is this? too many okay-only-looking girls, not enough cute guys. johnny yan actually used to be cool. until he decided to stop playing pro basketball and go into acting. pussyass.)
and i've surfed about a thousand blogs.
all my friends have disappeared into some dark hole and not one of them updates AT ALL.
so i had no choice but to link to blogs belonging to people ive never heard of.
most were very sub-standard.
some were rather good.
i read one that made me laugh quite abit.
in a good way.
i think i might visit the blog again.
i like intelligent writing.
i find that when males are intelligent and can string a proper sentence, their blogs are most often the best kinds of reading material available in the blogging arena.
i think that's because most girls just cant get out of their obsession with their exteriors to write something truly gripping.
its sad, really.
because i truly believe that females have so much more linguistic talents than males.
i wish i wrote intelligently.
i'm addicted to blogging.
and even if i've nothing of substance at all to say, i still dutifully come online to churn out trash simply because i've nothing better to do.
and its suddenly a lot simpler to type bullcrap online rather than find a working pen in my house so i can write my bullcrap on paper.
i need my computer to break down so i'll be forced to go on a hiatus.
but at times like this, the damed machine works like a dream.
its such a traitor.
im blogging so much even i am starting to get sick of myself.
i should pull out the plugs to my computer.
thing is, if i actually knew which plugs to pull out, then i'll jolly well know which ones to put back in.
im making things difficult for myself.
and i dont want to stop typing here because then i'll have nothing to do again and i'll have to resort back to playing solitaire and minesweeper until i have a migraine.
and then i'll desolately start drawing warped looking cows and insects on paint till i go cross-eyed.
this is a neverending horror story.
ive tried to study history,
played solitaire,
played minesweeper,
doodled multi-coloured cows on paint,
watched half of the idol results show,
(i think slyvester has a very ugly mouth, it makes him look vaguely bovine)
tried to watch the chinese swimming show but was soon turned off.
(fiona xie has got to have got to be the most annoying person on our sunny island, nice eyes and pretty face, notwithstanding. besides, what kind of swimming show is this? too many okay-only-looking girls, not enough cute guys. johnny yan actually used to be cool. until he decided to stop playing pro basketball and go into acting. pussyass.)
and i've surfed about a thousand blogs.
all my friends have disappeared into some dark hole and not one of them updates AT ALL.
so i had no choice but to link to blogs belonging to people ive never heard of.
most were very sub-standard.
some were rather good.
i read one that made me laugh quite abit.
in a good way.
i think i might visit the blog again.
i like intelligent writing.
i find that when males are intelligent and can string a proper sentence, their blogs are most often the best kinds of reading material available in the blogging arena.
i think that's because most girls just cant get out of their obsession with their exteriors to write something truly gripping.
its sad, really.
because i truly believe that females have so much more linguistic talents than males.
i wish i wrote intelligently.
i'm addicted to blogging.
and even if i've nothing of substance at all to say, i still dutifully come online to churn out trash simply because i've nothing better to do.
and its suddenly a lot simpler to type bullcrap online rather than find a working pen in my house so i can write my bullcrap on paper.
i need my computer to break down so i'll be forced to go on a hiatus.
but at times like this, the damed machine works like a dream.
its such a traitor.
im blogging so much even i am starting to get sick of myself.
i should pull out the plugs to my computer.
thing is, if i actually knew which plugs to pull out, then i'll jolly well know which ones to put back in.
im making things difficult for myself.
and i dont want to stop typing here because then i'll have nothing to do again and i'll have to resort back to playing solitaire and minesweeper until i have a migraine.
and then i'll desolately start drawing warped looking cows and insects on paint till i go cross-eyed.
this is a neverending horror story.
rats, i keep telling myself to stop coming online.
but as is demonstrated very blatantly here,
i have failed myself.
i think concord college is gorgeous.
its set on 40 acres of land and its bee-youuu-tii-ful.
the school building is like some big 5star hotel with the marble floors and the nice sofas everywhere.
not to mention those tall, big, grecian-looking pillars everywhere.
simply majestic.
their food is served exactly like a hotel's too, buffet style.
like maybe, ritz.
i'll bet they even have some days where they also have way posh dinner, ala carte.
(was going to use classy, but posh sounds so much more england-ish :D)
or wow, even al fresco.
it would be hella nice, im sure.
green grass everywhere, nice flowers.
plus there was this walkway i saw that looked almost exactly like the one in yingde.
you know, meteor garden.
and the dorms are fuckin nice too,
big windows and carpeted flooring.
SINGLE rooms too. everywhere.
and they have the most lovely library that looks like an old english church.
tres pretty.
and they have a heated indoor swimming pool, a HUGE badminton place, about a hundred tennis courts.
plus there are 4 tv lounges which looks like the japanese association club place here.
and a disco.
ALL owned by the school.
going there would be like living in a 5 star hotel 24/7
and it'll cost about the same as that.
i think this school is for the kids who have multigabillionaires as parents who are willing to pay about sing 20,000 a term.
unbelievable, that place.
and i actually thought the guy was exaggerating when he said it was like a 5star hotel.
this is more than a 5star hotel, its a palace.
those english kids have it so good.
but as is demonstrated very blatantly here,
i have failed myself.
i think concord college is gorgeous.
its set on 40 acres of land and its bee-youuu-tii-ful.
the school building is like some big 5star hotel with the marble floors and the nice sofas everywhere.
not to mention those tall, big, grecian-looking pillars everywhere.
simply majestic.
their food is served exactly like a hotel's too, buffet style.
like maybe, ritz.
i'll bet they even have some days where they also have way posh dinner, ala carte.
(was going to use classy, but posh sounds so much more england-ish :D)
or wow, even al fresco.
it would be hella nice, im sure.
green grass everywhere, nice flowers.
plus there was this walkway i saw that looked almost exactly like the one in yingde.
you know, meteor garden.
and the dorms are fuckin nice too,
big windows and carpeted flooring.
SINGLE rooms too. everywhere.
and they have the most lovely library that looks like an old english church.
tres pretty.
and they have a heated indoor swimming pool, a HUGE badminton place, about a hundred tennis courts.
plus there are 4 tv lounges which looks like the japanese association club place here.
and a disco.
ALL owned by the school.
going there would be like living in a 5 star hotel 24/7
and it'll cost about the same as that.
i think this school is for the kids who have multigabillionaires as parents who are willing to pay about sing 20,000 a term.
unbelievable, that place.
and i actually thought the guy was exaggerating when he said it was like a 5star hotel.
this is more than a 5star hotel, its a palace.
those english kids have it so good.
Thursday, October 21, 2004
im so tired.
jacob just called me.
i have an absurd testimonial, it seems.
shucks,
clare, what on earth did you write in it?
ms tian was bristling in discontent.
and the sound of that is making me bristle in fear.
yipes. OH WELL, i'll just produce a new one then.
im not a testimonial writer.
i cannot praise myself.
i hope clare can write me another one ):
just something short and sweet which says that im a decent human being and i wouldnt be killing anybody or burning property anytime soon.
cos i sure dont have any prefect or monitor or subject rep shit to boast about,
thank god for that.
all i want to do is go to CTC and study.
and all i need to do is convince my father that i wont lose my way going to school in a foreign land and that 16 years old is NOT too young to be overseas.
oh yes, and that i will be coming back to singapore to work.
which could actually be true cos it could always be the worst case senario and i have to come running home to seek solace.
the Olevels are so absolutely a chore to overcome.
i hate such chores.
for one, the magnitude of them scare me.
and THAT is such a waste of emotion.
might as well save all that for my long tirade with my dad about going overseas.
i cant believe the man sometimes.
he said that if i can make it in, he'll let me go.
and i have made it in.
but now, he's giving every damn excuse for me not to go.
even really feeble ones like, "the weather is so cold and dreary there, you could feel lonely and sad."
thanks, but i have confidence in my ability to withstand the evils of rain.
i'll bet he never thought i could make it in.
it's sad, the kind of faith my own dad has in me.
oh well.
he says i cant go
i say, i can go.
it may seem like a big clash in opinions which could result in a disgreement.
but no.
its a complete non-issue.
i win.
i have to go.
no two ways about it.
im just sick of this shit.
its putting me through such torment.
screw that.
jacob just called me.
i have an absurd testimonial, it seems.
shucks,
clare, what on earth did you write in it?
ms tian was bristling in discontent.
and the sound of that is making me bristle in fear.
yipes. OH WELL, i'll just produce a new one then.
im not a testimonial writer.
i cannot praise myself.
i hope clare can write me another one ):
just something short and sweet which says that im a decent human being and i wouldnt be killing anybody or burning property anytime soon.
cos i sure dont have any prefect or monitor or subject rep shit to boast about,
thank god for that.
all i want to do is go to CTC and study.
and all i need to do is convince my father that i wont lose my way going to school in a foreign land and that 16 years old is NOT too young to be overseas.
oh yes, and that i will be coming back to singapore to work.
which could actually be true cos it could always be the worst case senario and i have to come running home to seek solace.
the Olevels are so absolutely a chore to overcome.
i hate such chores.
for one, the magnitude of them scare me.
and THAT is such a waste of emotion.
might as well save all that for my long tirade with my dad about going overseas.
i cant believe the man sometimes.
he said that if i can make it in, he'll let me go.
and i have made it in.
but now, he's giving every damn excuse for me not to go.
even really feeble ones like, "the weather is so cold and dreary there, you could feel lonely and sad."
thanks, but i have confidence in my ability to withstand the evils of rain.
i'll bet he never thought i could make it in.
it's sad, the kind of faith my own dad has in me.
oh well.
he says i cant go
i say, i can go.
it may seem like a big clash in opinions which could result in a disgreement.
but no.
its a complete non-issue.
i win.
i have to go.
no two ways about it.
im just sick of this shit.
its putting me through such torment.
screw that.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
stnicks is almost an anagram for stinks.
i just realised that.
it amused me for awhile.
i dont know why either.
clare is in depression.
so am i.
i completely forgot there's the Olevel chem pract tmr.
thank god for clare and her wonderful memory.
i still dont know what time it is.
clare doesnt either.
maybe her memory isnt so good afterall.
i want and need to get into ctc.
and i will.
what lee wants, lee gets.
im going to go for math tuition later and get my tutor to teach me chem.
i hope the dear lady knows more chem than i do.
which wouldnt be a feat.
a sec1 knows more chem than me.
and i know that for a fact.
my brother is sec1 and he knows a lot more about chem than me.
and my sister is sec2 and she teaches me chem. or tries to.
since i dont understand anyway.
im the black sheep of my family.
my dad is a businessman, a qualified accountant and has a PHD in marine biology.
my mom is a lawyer.
my sister is vice-captain of track, a monitor and possibly, maybe going to be a junior prefect.
my brother is vice-president of his class, head of the discipline committee and an aspiring prefect.
i speak good english.
see why im the black sheep of my family?
it didnt exactly occur to me until like, NOW.
not that i really care.
im happy the way i am.
and HEY, i am the one going overseas.
and besides, i dont much like prefects.
i have sincerely told my brother and sister that the day any of them becomes a prefect, they can forget about coming home.
i think im biased.
pffft.
who cares.
i just realised that.
it amused me for awhile.
i dont know why either.
clare is in depression.
so am i.
i completely forgot there's the Olevel chem pract tmr.
thank god for clare and her wonderful memory.
i still dont know what time it is.
clare doesnt either.
maybe her memory isnt so good afterall.
i want and need to get into ctc.
and i will.
what lee wants, lee gets.
im going to go for math tuition later and get my tutor to teach me chem.
i hope the dear lady knows more chem than i do.
which wouldnt be a feat.
a sec1 knows more chem than me.
and i know that for a fact.
my brother is sec1 and he knows a lot more about chem than me.
and my sister is sec2 and she teaches me chem. or tries to.
since i dont understand anyway.
im the black sheep of my family.
my dad is a businessman, a qualified accountant and has a PHD in marine biology.
my mom is a lawyer.
my sister is vice-captain of track, a monitor and possibly, maybe going to be a junior prefect.
my brother is vice-president of his class, head of the discipline committee and an aspiring prefect.
i speak good english.
see why im the black sheep of my family?
it didnt exactly occur to me until like, NOW.
not that i really care.
im happy the way i am.
and HEY, i am the one going overseas.
and besides, i dont much like prefects.
i have sincerely told my brother and sister that the day any of them becomes a prefect, they can forget about coming home.
i think im biased.
pffft.
who cares.
trying to study lit, but failing completely.
last night is still bothering me.
i realised that i get quite a bit of people who stumble on my blog cos they searched for hejunxiang on some search engine.
shucks. i hope i dont appear to be like a snowflake.
cos i happened to have stumbled on plenty of blogs whilst searching for hejunxiang and i saw a lot of snowflakes i didnt like.
i dont want to be bunched together with them.
im feeling kinda sorry now that when he was still on enews, i was too lazy to watch him.
i think they've changed hosts again.
cant be sure because i happened to turn the tv on one day last week and saw different hosts.
i recoiled in horror and have yet to watch enews since.
im always being betrayed by these chinese tv stations.
oh well, at least im rather over the taiwanese thing. for now.
i hope enews gets hejunxiang to host sometime soon.
or else i wouldnt have nuts to watch anymore.
i do not watch enews for the news, but for the hosts.
some eyecandy host PLEASE.
my sister just informed me that our school has painted the giant clock red.
and the school's going to be painted red and yellow.
what do they think we are?
a clown house?
thank god im graduating in about a month.
amen.
i have visitors from singapore, the united states, france, indonesia and the netherlands.
i want one from colombia, like charlotte does.
i think statcounter.com is wickedly interesting.
last night is still bothering me.
i realised that i get quite a bit of people who stumble on my blog cos they searched for hejunxiang on some search engine.
shucks. i hope i dont appear to be like a snowflake.
cos i happened to have stumbled on plenty of blogs whilst searching for hejunxiang and i saw a lot of snowflakes i didnt like.
i dont want to be bunched together with them.
im feeling kinda sorry now that when he was still on enews, i was too lazy to watch him.
i think they've changed hosts again.
cant be sure because i happened to turn the tv on one day last week and saw different hosts.
i recoiled in horror and have yet to watch enews since.
im always being betrayed by these chinese tv stations.
oh well, at least im rather over the taiwanese thing. for now.
i hope enews gets hejunxiang to host sometime soon.
or else i wouldnt have nuts to watch anymore.
i do not watch enews for the news, but for the hosts.
some eyecandy host PLEASE.
my sister just informed me that our school has painted the giant clock red.
and the school's going to be painted red and yellow.
what do they think we are?
a clown house?
thank god im graduating in about a month.
amen.
i have visitors from singapore, the united states, france, indonesia and the netherlands.
i want one from colombia, like charlotte does.
i think statcounter.com is wickedly interesting.
cramps. fucking cramps ):
its fuckin' killing me.
the fucker.
ow ):
last night was a bad night.
i dont like bad nights.
because bad nights mean bad mornings.
and i hate mornings enough as it is already.
my mom tried to wake me up by knocking repeatedly on my forehead.
what kind of method is that, seriously?
did not help my bad mood.
its fuckin' killing me.
the fucker.
ow ):
last night was a bad night.
i dont like bad nights.
because bad nights mean bad mornings.
and i hate mornings enough as it is already.
my mom tried to wake me up by knocking repeatedly on my forehead.
what kind of method is that, seriously?
did not help my bad mood.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
i'm still all for CTC.
it is actually a non-issue.
the RJC comparison pretty much clinched it.
i'm a sucker for all things rafflesian.
even if it doesnt have nuts to do with raffles.
i think my senior is very very nice.
she gave me her email address and she said i can email her however much i want (:
hohoho.
i'm so gonna bombard her,
harrass her no end with my neverending questions.
the poor dear.
you give me an inch, i take the whole damn yard.
it is actually a non-issue.
the RJC comparison pretty much clinched it.
i'm a sucker for all things rafflesian.
even if it doesnt have nuts to do with raffles.
i think my senior is very very nice.
she gave me her email address and she said i can email her however much i want (:
hohoho.
i'm so gonna bombard her,
harrass her no end with my neverending questions.
the poor dear.
you give me an inch, i take the whole damn yard.
im in torment, and clare doesnt even want to come out of her slumber to aid me through my hour of darkness. pah. this is not going to make sense, i know. i just need to type away about the torment im going through.
so, CTC has accepted me. hooray to that. my destiny is fulfilled.
escept now, i dont even know that its really my destiny anymore.
its like this wonderful wonderful place where im gonna study my ass off and get good results along wit all my classmates. and i love the thought of it because, yay! i plan to do nothing but study since im bloody sick of the sickening results ive been getting in recent years. and what i need? the brilliant atmosphere where everybody else is simply brilliant so all i would do is study right?
except now, the subjects they offer are just so SAD. i cant take like english lit because im not going for the right period of time. and like, if i were to go to CTC, i'll take law, econs and ... WHAT? maths? physics? accounting? like, hello? not a very math-y person here. and to take lit and all, i need to go for the 2 year term at sept next year. which sucks even more.
i am not about to give my parents another year to decide they dont want me going oversaes.
and now, i have this other choice, which is somee brooke house college. and its like, NOT EVEN IN LONDON. so its all this self-contained little college in a little village. that would mean, no orchard road type of afterschool hang-out. ha.ha.HAH. thanks la. and i have to stay in a little hostel situated in the little school grounds of the little college. i mean like, havent i always sneered at living near school? now, im going to live IN school? i think i may very well just die.
but one thing good about this college, i have the choice of any damn subject offered in the world. i can take english, lit, history, even art history, psychology, sociolagy. whatever takes my fancy la, which is all peachy. except, i could all THAT in trinity too. and trinity costs much much much less and i'll have clare, bri and phoonty. so WHATS THE BLOODY POINT, dammit? might as well pay a whole lot less and go to aussie right?
and the agent summed up the difference between CTC and brookehouse.
"like, RJC compared to .. NYJC"
yes, so much for selling the school.
hello? choice between RJC and NYJC, DUH its RJC right?
similarly, CTC and brookehouse, DUH CTC right?
but but BUT, the subjects are all wonky!.
and this is so anticlimax la.
for like, practically the whole year already, ive whined over CTC.
then i get my abysmal prelim results and i think, 'wan le, no chance'
and i go for the interview and the principal ACCEPTED ME.
and now my parents come around and considers brookehouse.
HELLO LAH, RJC accepts you, you're more than ready to fly to heaven already right? who actually even THINKS about NYJC at this point? huh huh HUH?
but CTC's subjects are all so ODD! -wails.
i mean, i could just do it.
this is so similar to p4. but it wasnt such a dilemma then.
its easy being a kid, that way.
EM1 then EM1 right?
who bleedin' cares wheteher you can cope with haigher chinese.
just take then say.
but then we all know how much my results plummeted after p4. my p5 and p6 results just paled and disappeared next to my results from all the earlier years.
so, EM1, bad choice right?
thing is, i never once regreted going to EM1.
because i know that i would've been thoroughly miserable in EM2.
and also, i would never know if i had gone to EM2, whether my results wouldve still fell.
and i also know that when i went to sec1, and i failed my first test, i was beyond scandalised, but everyone around you was failing, so it's all, nevermind la. and after a little while more of failing more math tests, it's become the norm. BAD.
but i'll bet that there are people in the best classes to which, failing is still completely appalling because they just dont fail, and they are completely against failing.
therefore, i have come to the conclusion that the surroundings makes the person, and im not about to let myself degenerate further from going to a bad study surrounding.
so, i should completely go for CTC.
except, im actually considering brookehouse now.
and that's scaring me.
im so in torment. i need help.
so, CTC has accepted me. hooray to that. my destiny is fulfilled.
escept now, i dont even know that its really my destiny anymore.
its like this wonderful wonderful place where im gonna study my ass off and get good results along wit all my classmates. and i love the thought of it because, yay! i plan to do nothing but study since im bloody sick of the sickening results ive been getting in recent years. and what i need? the brilliant atmosphere where everybody else is simply brilliant so all i would do is study right?
except now, the subjects they offer are just so SAD. i cant take like english lit because im not going for the right period of time. and like, if i were to go to CTC, i'll take law, econs and ... WHAT? maths? physics? accounting? like, hello? not a very math-y person here. and to take lit and all, i need to go for the 2 year term at sept next year. which sucks even more.
i am not about to give my parents another year to decide they dont want me going oversaes.
and now, i have this other choice, which is somee brooke house college. and its like, NOT EVEN IN LONDON. so its all this self-contained little college in a little village. that would mean, no orchard road type of afterschool hang-out. ha.ha.HAH. thanks la. and i have to stay in a little hostel situated in the little school grounds of the little college. i mean like, havent i always sneered at living near school? now, im going to live IN school? i think i may very well just die.
but one thing good about this college, i have the choice of any damn subject offered in the world. i can take english, lit, history, even art history, psychology, sociolagy. whatever takes my fancy la, which is all peachy. except, i could all THAT in trinity too. and trinity costs much much much less and i'll have clare, bri and phoonty. so WHATS THE BLOODY POINT, dammit? might as well pay a whole lot less and go to aussie right?
and the agent summed up the difference between CTC and brookehouse.
"like, RJC compared to .. NYJC"
yes, so much for selling the school.
hello? choice between RJC and NYJC, DUH its RJC right?
similarly, CTC and brookehouse, DUH CTC right?
but but BUT, the subjects are all wonky!.
and this is so anticlimax la.
for like, practically the whole year already, ive whined over CTC.
then i get my abysmal prelim results and i think, 'wan le, no chance'
and i go for the interview and the principal ACCEPTED ME.
and now my parents come around and considers brookehouse.
HELLO LAH, RJC accepts you, you're more than ready to fly to heaven already right? who actually even THINKS about NYJC at this point? huh huh HUH?
but CTC's subjects are all so ODD! -wails.
i mean, i could just do it.
this is so similar to p4. but it wasnt such a dilemma then.
its easy being a kid, that way.
EM1 then EM1 right?
who bleedin' cares wheteher you can cope with haigher chinese.
just take then say.
but then we all know how much my results plummeted after p4. my p5 and p6 results just paled and disappeared next to my results from all the earlier years.
so, EM1, bad choice right?
thing is, i never once regreted going to EM1.
because i know that i would've been thoroughly miserable in EM2.
and also, i would never know if i had gone to EM2, whether my results wouldve still fell.
and i also know that when i went to sec1, and i failed my first test, i was beyond scandalised, but everyone around you was failing, so it's all, nevermind la. and after a little while more of failing more math tests, it's become the norm. BAD.
but i'll bet that there are people in the best classes to which, failing is still completely appalling because they just dont fail, and they are completely against failing.
therefore, i have come to the conclusion that the surroundings makes the person, and im not about to let myself degenerate further from going to a bad study surrounding.
so, i should completely go for CTC.
except, im actually considering brookehouse now.
and that's scaring me.
im so in torment. i need help.
Monday, October 18, 2004
a wasted day.
clare is bad influence.
she makes me slack and happy and un-studious.
clare is bad for the aspiring genius in me.
but good for the LEE in me.
that's why i still love her.
had a happy day though. macs at 9.
i managed to convince clare to wake up an hour earlier.
she has become amazingly acquiescent now that she knows our time together is up.
that sounded so grim.
anyways, nice time in macs where we slacked away.
i am SO going to get it from charlotte.
then i got a lift from clare's nice tutor and went home.
fell in bed and slept.
had a horrible, terrible nightmare.
my family was in japan.
my sister and i were having a ball of a time exploring the nice hotel.
i lost my way.
then i found my way back to my parents' room.
they revealed that they were having another child.
i went into a frenzy of disbelief.
couldnt believe that they would do this to me.
do something so immature and irresponsible such as to give me ANOTHER sibling.
so there was i, sobbing like an imbecile, spewing curses.
and i said one line which, now that i am awake, i find thoroughly priceless.
i shrieked out in between sobs,"i can't believe you're doing this! how can you be having a kid now?! you're both old enough to have grandkids!"
and then i woke up in cold sweat, feeling very betrayed.
i hate nightmares.
clare is bad influence.
she makes me slack and happy and un-studious.
clare is bad for the aspiring genius in me.
but good for the LEE in me.
that's why i still love her.
had a happy day though. macs at 9.
i managed to convince clare to wake up an hour earlier.
she has become amazingly acquiescent now that she knows our time together is up.
that sounded so grim.
anyways, nice time in macs where we slacked away.
i am SO going to get it from charlotte.
then i got a lift from clare's nice tutor and went home.
fell in bed and slept.
had a horrible, terrible nightmare.
my family was in japan.
my sister and i were having a ball of a time exploring the nice hotel.
i lost my way.
then i found my way back to my parents' room.
they revealed that they were having another child.
i went into a frenzy of disbelief.
couldnt believe that they would do this to me.
do something so immature and irresponsible such as to give me ANOTHER sibling.
so there was i, sobbing like an imbecile, spewing curses.
and i said one line which, now that i am awake, i find thoroughly priceless.
i shrieked out in between sobs,"i can't believe you're doing this! how can you be having a kid now?! you're both old enough to have grandkids!"
and then i woke up in cold sweat, feeling very betrayed.
i hate nightmares.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
i don't know why, but i have this very uncomfortable feeling that my dad doesnt really wanna pay for my education in england.
well, screw that now.
i'm determined to be unhappy for now because i cant study when i'm happy.
all i want to do is jump up and down and do the hula.
very bad.
therefore,
i don't think it's very fair that phoon has a 20,000 sq feet mansion.
i don't think it's very fair clare, bri and phoon are alll going to be together is melbourne while i'm elsewhere.
i don't think it's very fair that my prelims sucked while the chinese scholars all got straightAs.
i don't think it's very fair that my parents, unlike clare's, do not think of overseas studies as a 'DUH!'
i don't think it's very fair that i was made to believe the interview would be scary.
i don't think it's very fair that i embarrassed myself tagging my senior.
i don't think it's very fair that the Olevels are coming so soon after the prelims.
i don't think it's very fair that we have only december to play together till we all separate.
i don't think it's very fair that i'm not going to see the people i've been seeing since p4 for one year, at least.
i don't think it's very fair that i'll miss them all so much i'll probably cry and i hate that.
i don't think it's very fair that clare is taking so long to answer my sms.
okay, i can think of no more reasons for me to be unhappy.
mainly because i'm actually feeling very lovey.
i'm telling everyone that i love them alot.
and that doesn't go very well with unhappiness.
i love everyone now.
i think i even love my dad.
well, screw that now.
i'm determined to be unhappy for now because i cant study when i'm happy.
all i want to do is jump up and down and do the hula.
very bad.
therefore,
i don't think it's very fair that phoon has a 20,000 sq feet mansion.
i don't think it's very fair clare, bri and phoon are alll going to be together is melbourne while i'm elsewhere.
i don't think it's very fair that my prelims sucked while the chinese scholars all got straightAs.
i don't think it's very fair that my parents, unlike clare's, do not think of overseas studies as a 'DUH!'
i don't think it's very fair that i was made to believe the interview would be scary.
i don't think it's very fair that i embarrassed myself tagging my senior.
i don't think it's very fair that the Olevels are coming so soon after the prelims.
i don't think it's very fair that we have only december to play together till we all separate.
i don't think it's very fair that i'm not going to see the people i've been seeing since p4 for one year, at least.
i don't think it's very fair that i'll miss them all so much i'll probably cry and i hate that.
i don't think it's very fair that clare is taking so long to answer my sms.
okay, i can think of no more reasons for me to be unhappy.
mainly because i'm actually feeling very lovey.
i'm telling everyone that i love them alot.
and that doesn't go very well with unhappiness.
i love everyone now.
i think i even love my dad.
whatever lah.
was so bloody trembly for the damed interview.
in the end?
just sit there and smile only.
then he was just going on about what subject combi i'll take.
and my mom was like, "so, will you take her?"
and he was like, " yes, yes. good school, intelligent girl, good family, i'll take her."
like, okaaaay.
he was so nonchalant somemore.
i feel cheated.
waste of so much of my emotion.
and somemore, i embarrassed myself through and through begging for help when in the end, i didn't even need to come up with anything to convince him.
was just smiling and speaking very sweetly.
THAT'S ALL.
tch.
was so bloody trembly for the damed interview.
in the end?
just sit there and smile only.
then he was just going on about what subject combi i'll take.
and my mom was like, "so, will you take her?"
and he was like, " yes, yes. good school, intelligent girl, good family, i'll take her."
like, okaaaay.
he was so nonchalant somemore.
i feel cheated.
waste of so much of my emotion.
and somemore, i embarrassed myself through and through begging for help when in the end, i didn't even need to come up with anything to convince him.
was just smiling and speaking very sweetly.
THAT'S ALL.
tch.
interview's later.
i'm scared.
wish me luck!
i still can't get over the fact that i tagged my senior like some deranged fucktard.
i know, somebody should just tell me to get over it already.
but i just can't stop thinking about it.
i think i'm one of those people who can think themselves to suicide.
currently, i'm one inch away from flinging myself out of my window.
thank god for grilles.
so yes, PLEASE if anybody happens to stumble on some blog who's got a tagboard which is completely filled with words by a very desperate, very whiny, very annoying imbecile by the name of lee, please, please, PLEASE just pretend you don't know it's me and just move on.
and don't read what i said.
i can't bear the thought of anybody reading those words i only reserve for the most intimate of friends such as amirea since afterall, they've known me since i was that shit ugly lump of geekiness with oversized maroon specs (who actually wears MAROON specs?!) and retard hair.
and clare was just another dark stick with slit eyes.
and charlotte a very scary, antagonistic kid with silver specs.
and bri another of the duo (glares glares glares) who loved pushing my books off the table just for the heck of it.
and amanda was the cool mgs swimmer i just fell completely for in a 2000 swim meet
and phoon the little terror with pretty eyes and pigtails who drooled like the niagara falls.
all of them pushed me around, by the way.
well, except for phoon.
but the horror of getting into trouble by association was enought to intimidate me through and through (remember, i was the epitome of geek. look up the dictionary and you'll see me as a synonym)
it's a wonder how we all became friends.
tight as hell.
through all those shit, and here we are still.
we've had dregs around who just added to the drama.
but till the very end, it's still us (:
i'm liking that fact tons.
and though we're all gonna be separated after this year, we're still gonna remain friends.
i have faith in us.
and in technology too (:
besides, i truly plan to keep the deal clare and i made about buying out the chanel and gucci shop in taka when we're 29, successful and overflowing with cash.
i love my friends so much.
and i'm gonna miss them so much
haha, this is so soppy.
but i'm all overwhelmed by emotion now.
okay, not really.
but as much as i can actually be overwhelemed.
and that's not bad already.
i know i know, this is so SWEET isn't it?
haha, awwwwhh.
GROUP HUG!
:D
i'm scared.
wish me luck!
i still can't get over the fact that i tagged my senior like some deranged fucktard.
i know, somebody should just tell me to get over it already.
but i just can't stop thinking about it.
i think i'm one of those people who can think themselves to suicide.
currently, i'm one inch away from flinging myself out of my window.
thank god for grilles.
so yes, PLEASE if anybody happens to stumble on some blog who's got a tagboard which is completely filled with words by a very desperate, very whiny, very annoying imbecile by the name of lee, please, please, PLEASE just pretend you don't know it's me and just move on.
and don't read what i said.
i can't bear the thought of anybody reading those words i only reserve for the most intimate of friends such as amirea since afterall, they've known me since i was that shit ugly lump of geekiness with oversized maroon specs (who actually wears MAROON specs?!) and retard hair.
and clare was just another dark stick with slit eyes.
and charlotte a very scary, antagonistic kid with silver specs.
and bri another of the duo (glares glares glares) who loved pushing my books off the table just for the heck of it.
and amanda was the cool mgs swimmer i just fell completely for in a 2000 swim meet
and phoon the little terror with pretty eyes and pigtails who drooled like the niagara falls.
all of them pushed me around, by the way.
well, except for phoon.
but the horror of getting into trouble by association was enought to intimidate me through and through (remember, i was the epitome of geek. look up the dictionary and you'll see me as a synonym)
it's a wonder how we all became friends.
tight as hell.
through all those shit, and here we are still.
we've had dregs around who just added to the drama.
but till the very end, it's still us (:
i'm liking that fact tons.
and though we're all gonna be separated after this year, we're still gonna remain friends.
i have faith in us.
and in technology too (:
besides, i truly plan to keep the deal clare and i made about buying out the chanel and gucci shop in taka when we're 29, successful and overflowing with cash.
i love my friends so much.
and i'm gonna miss them so much
haha, this is so soppy.
but i'm all overwhelmed by emotion now.
okay, not really.
but as much as i can actually be overwhelemed.
and that's not bad already.
i know i know, this is so SWEET isn't it?
haha, awwwwhh.
GROUP HUG!
:D
Saturday, October 16, 2004
shit, i can't seem to tag anybody ):
my comp is being a traitor again. shucks
and is it just me, or has everyone else also realised that the weather has just been plain
n a s t y?
it gives me breathing problems.
i think i'm getting lung failure from that last bout of bad bad bad flu.
or maybe pneumonia.
either which, it's killing me.
oh, and y'know what?
i'm REALLy starting to wish i hadn't tagged my senior just ranting away in my desperation ):
for 1) i don't exactly know her.
for 2) not too many people tag her, so my moronic words are just gonna be stagnated there for all to view.
for 3) my words are undoubtedly stupid, so she's not gonna answer me anythime soon. like, how loser is that?
for 4) i spelt 'really' wrongly! and it was right SMACK at the top.
ohhh, the humiliation! the shame! the indignity!
i think i may very well expire with it ):
my comp is being a traitor again. shucks
and is it just me, or has everyone else also realised that the weather has just been plain
n a s t y?
it gives me breathing problems.
i think i'm getting lung failure from that last bout of bad bad bad flu.
or maybe pneumonia.
either which, it's killing me.
oh, and y'know what?
i'm REALLy starting to wish i hadn't tagged my senior just ranting away in my desperation ):
for 1) i don't exactly know her.
for 2) not too many people tag her, so my moronic words are just gonna be stagnated there for all to view.
for 3) my words are undoubtedly stupid, so she's not gonna answer me anythime soon. like, how loser is that?
for 4) i spelt 'really' wrongly! and it was right SMACK at the top.
ohhh, the humiliation! the shame! the indignity!
i think i may very well expire with it ):
Friday, October 15, 2004
-deflated.
i just called the sgp representative for ctc and boy am i intimidated now ):
gotta go for the interview with the principal on sunday
!!!
i'm worried cos he guy made my results sound like the end of the world.
and they are quite bad.
but i didnt think they were THAT bad.
oh. and clare, they dont take chinese too! tmd.
waste of my a2.
now i have to take chem.
and we all know i failed it by 2 marks.
-hops around.
how how how.
i have to convince the principal that i'm a good student and that our school standard's really high (oh well, at least i don't have to lie about that) and i usually do quite well (yeah, right) and that i'll do damn damn damn well and get at least straight Bs in england or i'll have to retain and my daddy has to pay another bloody 50grand at least.
i dont wanna waste money ):
but i dont think i can manage straight Bs, at least.
and besides that, i first have to convince him to take me in.
god, he'd better not be those priggish kind.
i mean, i heard he's damn nice.
but i dont particularly like his face shape.
okay, that's out of point.
but i rather dislike that longish kind of face with the receeding chin.
SO, he'd better be extra nice to make up for his face.
i'm straying from my topic.
main thing is, i'm very jumpy and i'm desperate to get in.
i thought that dr james loh sounded rather condescending.
i don't like that.
changed my mind about throwing myself at his feet.
now, it's take it or leave it.
CJC's alright anyways.
i'm deceiving myself, i am.
yes, well.
i needed advice again.
so i tagged my senior again. and again. and again.
i'm throwing myself at HER feet now.
at least she's nice.
i like her.
i hope she doesnt think i'm some odd freakette who's stalking her ):
cos' that's what i sounded like.
sad, that.
but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
this is a very long and disjointed entry.
i hope the principal lets me in.
and i hope he wont put that conditional shit on me.
cos the stress will kill me.
i will be very articulate and do my best to simulate a convincing intellect.
then, he'll just think that i'm a misunderstood genius and the singaporean system is just crippling my genius and not allowing me to shine to the fullest.
then, hopefully he'll be all, "come, let ctc bring out that genius in you."
and voila!
i'm in.
pffft.
i wish 'AR'.
i just called the sgp representative for ctc and boy am i intimidated now ):
gotta go for the interview with the principal on sunday
!!!
i'm worried cos he guy made my results sound like the end of the world.
and they are quite bad.
but i didnt think they were THAT bad.
oh. and clare, they dont take chinese too! tmd.
waste of my a2.
now i have to take chem.
and we all know i failed it by 2 marks.
-hops around.
how how how.
i have to convince the principal that i'm a good student and that our school standard's really high (oh well, at least i don't have to lie about that) and i usually do quite well (yeah, right) and that i'll do damn damn damn well and get at least straight Bs in england or i'll have to retain and my daddy has to pay another bloody 50grand at least.
i dont wanna waste money ):
but i dont think i can manage straight Bs, at least.
and besides that, i first have to convince him to take me in.
god, he'd better not be those priggish kind.
i mean, i heard he's damn nice.
but i dont particularly like his face shape.
okay, that's out of point.
but i rather dislike that longish kind of face with the receeding chin.
SO, he'd better be extra nice to make up for his face.
i'm straying from my topic.
main thing is, i'm very jumpy and i'm desperate to get in.
i thought that dr james loh sounded rather condescending.
i don't like that.
changed my mind about throwing myself at his feet.
now, it's take it or leave it.
CJC's alright anyways.
i'm deceiving myself, i am.
yes, well.
i needed advice again.
so i tagged my senior again. and again. and again.
i'm throwing myself at HER feet now.
at least she's nice.
i like her.
i hope she doesnt think i'm some odd freakette who's stalking her ):
cos' that's what i sounded like.
sad, that.
but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
this is a very long and disjointed entry.
i hope the principal lets me in.
and i hope he wont put that conditional shit on me.
cos the stress will kill me.
i will be very articulate and do my best to simulate a convincing intellect.
then, he'll just think that i'm a misunderstood genius and the singaporean system is just crippling my genius and not allowing me to shine to the fullest.
then, hopefully he'll be all, "come, let ctc bring out that genius in you."
and voila!
i'm in.
pffft.
i wish 'AR'.
today is the day.
THE day.
haha. i'm gonna convince my daddy that ctc is my destiny and it's calling out to me (:
my mom is already convinced.
goody-o.
haha, i'd better be able to go.
i'm already planning my farewell.
and how i'm gonna spend my last few days in sgp.
so i'd better go.
or all that planning will go to waste.
and i will waste away.
went to get my results from mrs koh, and they're all printed out on a nice school paper.
had actually hoped to photocopy the result slip they gave us to confirm yesterday, but mrs koh wouldnt hear of it.
was kinda dissappointed.
see, those were informal slips so everybody was given a very good conduct grade by default.
but the ctc principal doesn't know that does he?
how nice if he thought i was a terrific student who got a very good.
-sighs wistfully.
if only i could get a very good ):
it'll be the second one i've received in my lifetime.
i got my last one in primary 2 (: -beams proudly.
oh well, but i havent got a nice conduct grade to show now.
hopefully the guy thinks that failing only chem out of all my subjects is good.
haha. i WILL make him see things my way, i will.
but first, i have to tackle my daddy.
i'm a girl on a mission.
THE day.
haha. i'm gonna convince my daddy that ctc is my destiny and it's calling out to me (:
my mom is already convinced.
goody-o.
haha, i'd better be able to go.
i'm already planning my farewell.
and how i'm gonna spend my last few days in sgp.
so i'd better go.
or all that planning will go to waste.
and i will waste away.
went to get my results from mrs koh, and they're all printed out on a nice school paper.
had actually hoped to photocopy the result slip they gave us to confirm yesterday, but mrs koh wouldnt hear of it.
was kinda dissappointed.
see, those were informal slips so everybody was given a very good conduct grade by default.
but the ctc principal doesn't know that does he?
how nice if he thought i was a terrific student who got a very good.
-sighs wistfully.
if only i could get a very good ):
it'll be the second one i've received in my lifetime.
i got my last one in primary 2 (: -beams proudly.
oh well, but i havent got a nice conduct grade to show now.
hopefully the guy thinks that failing only chem out of all my subjects is good.
haha. i WILL make him see things my way, i will.
but first, i have to tackle my daddy.
i'm a girl on a mission.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
clare and i are very happy people now (:
we've just been given so much hope from nice seniors we hardly even know (:
ctc is nearer to me now. muahahaha (:
i'm so happy, i'm ending every sentence wit a smiley (:
this is inane, but i'm really happy.
now, it seems, i could actually fulfil my .. destiny.
god, i'm happy.
we've just been given so much hope from nice seniors we hardly even know (:
ctc is nearer to me now. muahahaha (:
i'm so happy, i'm ending every sentence wit a smiley (:
this is inane, but i'm really happy.
now, it seems, i could actually fulfil my .. destiny.
god, i'm happy.
Monday, October 11, 2004
i'm starting to get worried.
i should be studying shouldn't i?
yes, i should.
as of this very moment, no jc is going to take me in.
quite worrying, no?
i wonder if by some freak chance, my school could moderate till a jc-going rate for me and i land myself is say .. acjc.
not very possible. but its a thought, alright.
i think i would be quite happy if i could make it to cj.
i still want to go to ctc though ):
i shall hunt the nice ctc representative down and throw myself at his feet and beg for .. well, just beg.
he lives at soo chow garden. i think that's near thomson plaza.
goody, -rubs hands together.
less travelling time for me.
i wonder if it's possible that ctc has such a depressing intake this year they wouldn't mind taking in a sad failure as yours truly.
once again, not very possible.
my sister is very happy now.
i dont like that.
how can she be so giddily happy whilst im in the doldrums?
what injustice.
i dont like my life.
there's an ant running around on my desk.
i don't know where it came from.
and my sister doesn't want to kill it for me.
i'm sure as hell not killing it though.
ugh, why can't it find some other desk to run on?
like my brother's for example.
then my brother will help it end its miserable life.
he's nice that way.
i'm not gonna be killing it anytime soon.
let it run round aimlessly in circles.
it better not touch me.
be warned, ant.
my dictionary is very thick.
i should be studying shouldn't i?
yes, i should.
as of this very moment, no jc is going to take me in.
quite worrying, no?
i wonder if by some freak chance, my school could moderate till a jc-going rate for me and i land myself is say .. acjc.
not very possible. but its a thought, alright.
i think i would be quite happy if i could make it to cj.
i still want to go to ctc though ):
i shall hunt the nice ctc representative down and throw myself at his feet and beg for .. well, just beg.
he lives at soo chow garden. i think that's near thomson plaza.
goody, -rubs hands together.
less travelling time for me.
i wonder if it's possible that ctc has such a depressing intake this year they wouldn't mind taking in a sad failure as yours truly.
once again, not very possible.
my sister is very happy now.
i dont like that.
how can she be so giddily happy whilst im in the doldrums?
what injustice.
i dont like my life.
there's an ant running around on my desk.
i don't know where it came from.
and my sister doesn't want to kill it for me.
i'm sure as hell not killing it though.
ugh, why can't it find some other desk to run on?
like my brother's for example.
then my brother will help it end its miserable life.
he's nice that way.
i'm not gonna be killing it anytime soon.
let it run round aimlessly in circles.
it better not touch me.
be warned, ant.
my dictionary is very thick.
i think strepsils has some kinda ingredient in it that numbs.
my tongue is completely numbed from sucking the damn sweet ):
it feels like some heavy, dead creature in my mouth.
not a nice feeling, that.
my tongue is completely numbed from sucking the damn sweet ):
it feels like some heavy, dead creature in my mouth.
not a nice feeling, that.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
did i mention that i'm horribly ill?
my throat hurts, my head hurts, and my nose is alternating between being stuffed and running like fuck.
i'm in a bad mood.
i don't even know why i'm online.
my neck hurts from supporting my head.
my throat hurts, my head hurts, and my nose is alternating between being stuffed and running like fuck.
i'm in a bad mood.
i don't even know why i'm online.
my neck hurts from supporting my head.
for you. im bored. whee (:
Saturday, October 09, 2004
i like writing in clare's gbk.
it makes me happy.
well, happier.
it makes me happy.
well, happier.
Friday, October 08, 2004
my throat hurts and i've got a fever.
i'm feeling thoroughly miserable.
therefore, i also feel hell antagonistic.
that flamer in clare's blog came at the wrong time
if i could reach out to it, i would've strangled it.
and i think that kim wakerman is the silliest goat ever.
all day long, she bleats and bleats about her silly little life.
in terrible spelling and atrocious grammar no less.
and she isn't even that pretty anyway.
her face is striking, sure. but it's odd looking all the same.
everybody should just visit her blog and laugh at the superficiality of the girl.
she takes down the number of times a male admirer talks to her on msn,
and, she also tells her admirers that she 'dun mind you lovin moi. thanksss! *huggies*' (i kid you not -snorts derisively.)
i don't even know the girl, and i detest her already.
i'm feeling thoroughly miserable.
therefore, i also feel hell antagonistic.
that flamer in clare's blog came at the wrong time
if i could reach out to it, i would've strangled it.
and i think that kim wakerman is the silliest goat ever.
all day long, she bleats and bleats about her silly little life.
in terrible spelling and atrocious grammar no less.
and she isn't even that pretty anyway.
her face is striking, sure. but it's odd looking all the same.
everybody should just visit her blog and laugh at the superficiality of the girl.
she takes down the number of times a male admirer talks to her on msn,
and, she also tells her admirers that she 'dun mind you lovin moi. thanksss! *huggies*' (i kid you not -snorts derisively.)
i don't even know the girl, and i detest her already.
Thursday, October 07, 2004
today was a screwed day.
everything's screwed up and i don't think i'm going overseas now.
i'm very sad because i actually found a partner in weiting and now she's going and i'm not.
i really don't want to go to junior college.
i don't i don't i don't.
and i don't want to go poly either.
the people from SP came some time ago.
half the time, i couldn't understand what the guy was saying.
going to poly will be like going to mars.
i'm sorry if that sounds rude, but that's the truth and besides, i'm not in the mood to be civil about the things i say.
ive got a mother of a headache and my life is ruined.
didn't even feel that horrible in school.
now i do though.
my life is thoroughly r u i n e d.
my head hurts.
i think i have a brain tumour.
everything's screwed up and i don't think i'm going overseas now.
i'm very sad because i actually found a partner in weiting and now she's going and i'm not.
i really don't want to go to junior college.
i don't i don't i don't.
and i don't want to go poly either.
the people from SP came some time ago.
half the time, i couldn't understand what the guy was saying.
going to poly will be like going to mars.
i'm sorry if that sounds rude, but that's the truth and besides, i'm not in the mood to be civil about the things i say.
ive got a mother of a headache and my life is ruined.
didn't even feel that horrible in school.
now i do though.
my life is thoroughly r u i n e d.
my head hurts.
i think i have a brain tumour.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
sheez, i just hate it when i suddenly can't tag any board ):
it just screws itself up and doesn't wanna un-screw itself.
drats to it.
i'm not looking forward to physics tuition tommorrow.
charlie chan will absolutely bitchslap me all the way to the great wall of china when he knows my marks.
though i don't know my marks yet, i do know i'm not gonna be passing anytime soon. woe ):
i'm depressed.
oh please let school drag on till much much after 430 -begs.
you know things are dire when you don't even dare to face your tutor.
my sister saw the last episode of that korean show.
the woman died in the end still.
i knew it.
the koreans just aren't happy unless they've dried up all their tear ducts weeping.
so, yes.
the suicide of that silly half-brother was in vain.
wasted, wasted.
-shakes head.
what a waste of that gorgeous wedding ring she got.
it was so large i'll bet it was 4 carats at least.
i'm gonna be jealous for once and declare it's just glass.
plus, that was one very nice bed they had.
what a dratted waste.
it just screws itself up and doesn't wanna un-screw itself.
drats to it.
i'm not looking forward to physics tuition tommorrow.
charlie chan will absolutely bitchslap me all the way to the great wall of china when he knows my marks.
though i don't know my marks yet, i do know i'm not gonna be passing anytime soon. woe ):
i'm depressed.
oh please let school drag on till much much after 430 -begs.
you know things are dire when you don't even dare to face your tutor.
my sister saw the last episode of that korean show.
the woman died in the end still.
i knew it.
the koreans just aren't happy unless they've dried up all their tear ducts weeping.
so, yes.
the suicide of that silly half-brother was in vain.
wasted, wasted.
-shakes head.
what a waste of that gorgeous wedding ring she got.
it was so large i'll bet it was 4 carats at least.
i'm gonna be jealous for once and declare it's just glass.
plus, that was one very nice bed they had.
what a dratted waste.
Monday, October 04, 2004
after watching the second last episode of a soppy korean soap,
i solemnly conclude that the korean are psychotic.
i mean, who kills himself just so he can donate his eye cornea to his half-sister?!
what a horrible idea they are introducing to the youth of south korea.
they're gonna regret it when their impressionable males start killing themsleves off just to donate their various organs.
yeeuch.
my standards in television is deteriorating.
i'm busily drowning my sorrows in these sick soaps.
i don't wanna get back my prelim results.
they're gonna stink real bad ):
i won't be able to face the world after tommorrow.
oh dear, i hope 1030 will come soon.
then at least i have some quality tv to drown my sorrows in.
gee, maybe i could try getting drunk. tch.
now i know what it's like to brace yourself for an apocalypse.
when the end of thw world comes in 2006, i'm all ready for it.
bring it on!
hoho.
):
i solemnly conclude that the korean are psychotic.
i mean, who kills himself just so he can donate his eye cornea to his half-sister?!
what a horrible idea they are introducing to the youth of south korea.
they're gonna regret it when their impressionable males start killing themsleves off just to donate their various organs.
yeeuch.
my standards in television is deteriorating.
i'm busily drowning my sorrows in these sick soaps.
i don't wanna get back my prelim results.
they're gonna stink real bad ):
i won't be able to face the world after tommorrow.
oh dear, i hope 1030 will come soon.
then at least i have some quality tv to drown my sorrows in.
gee, maybe i could try getting drunk. tch.
now i know what it's like to brace yourself for an apocalypse.
when the end of thw world comes in 2006, i'm all ready for it.
bring it on!
hoho.
):
Sunday, October 03, 2004
ever been overwhelmed by detestation for someone?
i'm going through it now.
GAH.
and its so annoying
cos i wished i didn't know the person,
but DAMN, there's really nothing i can do about it can i?
since i already know the person.
-grumbles.
and sometimes, it's just those dratted family thing to blame.
is there anyway you could prevent knowing someone you're related to?
precisely.
hello, people up there?
i could do without my relatives, thank you.
i'm going through it now.
GAH.
and its so annoying
cos i wished i didn't know the person,
but DAMN, there's really nothing i can do about it can i?
since i already know the person.
-grumbles.
and sometimes, it's just those dratted family thing to blame.
is there anyway you could prevent knowing someone you're related to?
precisely.
hello, people up there?
i could do without my relatives, thank you.
Saturday, October 02, 2004
i love johnny depp.
and i will hunt down the dvd for benny&joon.
yes, i will.
it was such a good show.
i watched it once like, 5 years ago and i still remember it.
that's how wonderful the show is (:
but i just remembered the show's name today.
haha. i'm so excited cos' i remembered the film's name finally.
(: joy to the world.
and i will hunt down the dvd for benny&joon.
yes, i will.
it was such a good show.
i watched it once like, 5 years ago and i still remember it.
that's how wonderful the show is (:
but i just remembered the show's name today.
haha. i'm so excited cos' i remembered the film's name finally.
(: joy to the world.
Friday, October 01, 2004
made a complete fool of myself yesterday.
clare: aye, i got talent scouted. ego swell.
lee: talent scouted? what's that? someone told you you're a talented scout?
sometimes, i'm so dense i surprise even myself.
oh well, i'm unselfishly airing it to the world anyways.
i added it to charlotte's classics page too.
love reading silliness like that?
revel in the stupidity of others?
then the classics page is just for you!
read it.
it's now or never.
i'm doing free publicity for charlotte.
she should pay me or something.
haha.
clare: aye, i got talent scouted. ego swell.
lee: talent scouted? what's that? someone told you you're a talented scout?
sometimes, i'm so dense i surprise even myself.
oh well, i'm unselfishly airing it to the world anyways.
i added it to charlotte's classics page too.
love reading silliness like that?
revel in the stupidity of others?
then the classics page is just for you!
read it.
it's now or never.
i'm doing free publicity for charlotte.
she should pay me or something.
haha.
clare just told me our prelim papers were done so badly, the teachers are re-marking 'em.
oh, horror of horrors.
if i do not do well for english and lit, i will die.
just D.I.E ))):
oh, horror of horrors.
if i do not do well for english and lit, i will die.
just D.I.E ))):