Thursday, June 30, 2005
i should be moving now to get to somerset by two to meet j, but im procrastinating.
i dont even know what to wear because what if i weaar my rags and they dont let me in the performance place? i cant believe that even after ive graduated i am still controlled by bloody school regulations, they do not respect the school alumni. oh am i counted alumni? heh actually i dont know and i am barely using punctuation either now i see what does j mean when she says shes too lazy to use them bloody girl she's infected me with all her lousy lazy and aging germs. i am grouching and i should be gone around now byebye.
what i really need is a big gucci bag.
a huge tote sized one.
those with the cool bamboo handle.
yes, that's what i need.
am shagged.
went to school at normal school going time.
was played out by charlt and bri who kept me waiting for 30 mins at least.
but okay nevermind, should stop whining.
mooched around school and chatted idly.
somewhere along the way, i got attacked by a nostalgia fit.
i almost cried.
it was very bad.
then charlotte had to leave for physics
so bri and i very aimlessly left for town.
and we aimlessly walked to lido where our plans were ruined because the thoughtless management have vastly (and rudely) reduced the tables available.
so then we very aimlessly walked back to wisma and then to heerens.
went to marche and talked for so long.
got up walking, got sick of walking, beat hasty retreat to marche.
charlotte joins us after the test ends, and we eat and talk again.
we were all very tired people by then.
so bri and i napped till my mom rang and woke me up and now i am home and very miserably exhausted but i cannot sleep because i want to watch my channel 8 nine o clock cancer show like the devoted heartlander chink i am.
and then i also want to watch either my kangxilaile on 52 or the hk police show on 55, so i am so tired but cannot sleep.
how wretched.
i am tired, i don't even know why i'm blogging.
so boring.
aye ):
-
i woke up late today again.
such a failure.
was gonna wake at 9 and hie off to j's early early in the morn.
but me being me, i woke at 11 plus.
so then i got ready to leave.
i was fully planning to take the bus.
and i happily walked to where i thought the bus stop was.
there was some construction thing going on, and it was like OMG THE BUS STOP IS GONE.
so nevermind.
i was feeling slack and lazy and rich anyway.
so i took a cab.
then i reached j's house.
waaa, her house damn small.
cannot take it.
:D
watched naked weapon.
got bored.
watched love contract.
ah, hejunxiang and his sexy eyes.
ho ho (:
but i only got to watch all the boring intro parts.
no action.
and then it was 6 and my mom came to collect me.
such a nice wasted slack day.
i've already forgotten how nice it is to be the true me.
haven't had a fully slack and wasted day like this since like, well, forever.
like i said, i've already forgotten how it could be like.
if only life could stagnate at secondary school.
god, now when i look back at my secondary school life, it's with disbelief.
absolutely no work.
i just practically slacked and floated through school.
it's a wonder i still passed the Os.
i miss those days, i do.
OH, and i read some random diary entry i wrote in sec 3.
my god, i was such a little bitch.
i swear i wanted to slap me.
aiyo.
-shakes head.
and i told j about it.
i bet she wanted to slap me too.
ha ha.
(it was the company i kept, i tell you. kept, of course meaning friends that aren't anymore)
going back to stnicks on wed.
i'm so STOKED.
hee hee.
-
school starts tomorrow which means my sis aint gonna have time to play with me anymore.
OH WELL.
need to wake up early tomorrow.
aiyaaaaa ):
i think i'll have to set the alarm or by the time i wake up, half the day will be gone.
i sleep so much nowadays, it's getting a bit scary.
oh ooh, it's the 26th today.
which means bri is coming back tomorrow!
ho ho.
stoked, i am.
cousins came over today.
the little girl is so spoilt.
she ordered me to get her water, you know.
):
all my life, i've been doing the ordering.
and here we have a little chit of 3 ordering me around.
ah, retribution?
okay, but anyway, she is really cute too.
so i forgive her even though i dont know how to handle her.
haha, i did some silly fortune telling thing.
so funny.
my love line is damn sad.
but the sex one is like PHWOAR.
ho ho ho.
i wonder what does that mean.
loads of no strings attached sex, perhaps?
heh heh.
sounds like my kinda thing.
:D
my sister's one says that when it comes to food, it's quantity, not quality to her.
how true, how true.
(:
aiya, im so sad.
why my love line so pathetic?
my future is going to be loveless.
I KNOW SO.
oh, cursed to a life of spinsterhood.
i think i'm gonna cry.
hee hee.
kidding.
i'm quite put off marriage anyway.
-hops around.
okay, why is that once it's pass midnight, i become damn hyper?
so weird.
-
forced out of my house again today.
im like, cursed.
can never stay home and rot.
my english is deteriorating.
i am disconsolate.
i swear, i cannot string a proper sentence together anymore.
):
how ironic, innit.
i go to the UK and byebye english.
and contrary to what my sister says, it's not hello chinese.
like please, listen to my chinese.
laughable.
it sure kept j in stiches the day i tried to speak completely in chinese.
(j is an unsupportive friend, see)
oh, i am sad.
i shall not speak singlish anymore.
my entries are completely bland.
i bore myself ):
and i haven't a thing to do either.
all i do everyday is listen to my sister's ipod and now i'm listening to edison chen for like, the hundredth time since i came back.
and my sister keeps promising me that she'll get that stupid jay chou song i somehow got myself addicted to, but she hasn't yet.
and now she wants me to write out the song name.
brilliant.
do i look like i can write complex chinese words?
and jay chou songs are anything but simple.
i read the english translation for one song, and i still didn't understand what it was supposed to mean.
all that symbolism and chinese metaphors and godknowswhat.
what a headache.
okay, my sister is totally slagging me off on her blog.
hence, i am going to slag her off too.
thing is, i cannot think of anything.
but i will.
okay, she keeps blaming everyone for tempting her to eat.
but seriously, just think.
the girl obviously feels deprived and sad and hence she has to eat too and then she blames other people.
just blame it on that inherent pathetic need to be on par with other people.
jealous insecure worm.
she just called me a bitch on her blog.
vicious spiteful banshee.
oh, and now she is calling my a molerat
and she took away my edison chen music.
>:(
THIS IS WAR!
she is talking like me,
acting like me,
writing like me.
everything about her is me.
without me, she is nothing.
i mean, just look at her blog.
does her writing style not resemble mine now?
DOES IT NOT?!
that little photocopying machine.
ever hear of violating the copyright law?
OH, she just handed me nice meiji chocolate.
and as i am the epitome of dishonour, i accept her bribe.
all hail the girl who was born after me!
oh, goody.
another chocolate.
(:
-
mm, im feeling happy and contented.
went to national skin centre.
do not have leprosy as self had so suspected.
so that's a yay.
and the scars are non permanent.
thank you, thank you very much.
(:
everybody else has gone for a game of tennis.
i swear my family is mad.
they're all like, exercisng .. ugh .. regularly.
tch, not good.
my brother plays tennis everyday.
and my sister goes round everywhere muttering, "fats fats FATS" like some mad scientist.
all gone loony, they have.
i think sports of all kinds are meaningless and a bloody waste of time.
okay talking to j on msn.
the french crash is damn ex.
but so tempted to take it.
hmm.
oh well bored now.
-
ho ho, i think the loon from the channel 8 cancer show is so cute.
just as cute as when he was gary from growing up.
(:
i like being back in singapore.
watching tv and seeing cute actors remind me that i am straight.
not like in bloody UK.
no tv, everyday see ugly fat angmoh men.
no wonder i started to become a bit curly.
sha la la.
so hot, still cannot take the weather.
ah my sister is watching some funny hk show.
the girl is sleeping in the nude.
ho ho.
okay, overshare.
i'm still trying to convince my mom to let me work only for a month.
i shall tell her i want the first month to go to alliance francaise to learn french to beautify my cv so that universities won't think i am an invalid.
the climate's making my hair all funny.
):
-
my dad's and uncle's birthday today.
and we were being right heartlanders and went to ang moh kio for lunch (:
ho ho.
i'm suddenly so pleased with all those sickeningly warm hawker centres.
clare is gonna die when she sees this.
-beams.
saw steph and friend.
okay, i'm acting cool.
i know who the friend is.
so correction.
i saw steph and abigail.
and my dad and uncle were being bloody loud as usual and probably scared them both off a bit.
but oh well.
(:
cut my hair, am pretty pleased with it.
no more split ends.
yay.
j and jos came back yesterday.
jos is cool.
she missed her flight again, and she coolly bought a SQ ticket there and then and came home.
wow, eh.
im feeling so random now.
aiyaaaa, my mom wants me to work for two months.
i dont want.
):
-
oh yay my favouritest friend clare chan called me!
:D
fulla good quality, honet-to-goodness bitching.
ah, it feels so good.
so i was very happy.
but im not so happy now cos clare has a bit of a crisis.
and she's very sad.
and i'm very sad.
but okay, clare was telling me alot of stuff.
and OHMIGAD, so sweet!
waaay idol drama, okay.
it's like, meteor garden or something.
and more!
shit, so damn sweet.
must tell j, and let her die from sweetness too.
okay, clare is damn sad now.
i am very sad too.
i can hear my heart breaking
):
-
ha ha, i'm watching some random channel 8 show now.
haven't watched channel 8 since like, p4.
and whoa, i can't believe how old everybody looks now.
christopher lee looks like my uncle now.
and yvonne lim looks like my grandma.
how sad, the aging process.
oh yay, j and jos are probably on the plane back to singapore now.
my sister woke me up at 1230 today ):
am so exhausted.
ha ha ha, that christopher lee character is such a fool.
but so endearing.
i'm such a heartlander.
eeyer but the show scares me.
that's what happens if i dont go to university to do law.
):
such a sick fate.
i suddenly feel this huge surge of love towards charlotte.
(:
ah, and i'm praying that clare will come back.
we have some slaughtering to do.
and i need her expert assistance.
-grim.
-
okay yay i am home.
its fucking hot.
and worse thing?
it's not a heatwave ):
plane flight was hideous.
i mean, yes it was SQ and all.
but 14 hours in economy class is still no joke.
and that settles it then.
no more silly thoughts about archaeology or oriental studies or linguistics.
i'm all for making the moolah and paying for first class.
was thinking of alot of random things on the plane to blog.
but i can't remember anything at all now.
oh well.
j is such a dear.
i cannot live without her.
as in literally, man.
she does everything for me.
ho ho.
and i was supposed to devote an entire entry to her.
and then write another one for jos.
but not now.
i'm jet lagged.
(:
ooh, in the morning, charlotte just appeared at my house with mac's breakfast.
i know, i know.
OOH!
i feel so loved.
:D
i love charlotte.
then we went to j8 to watch Mr and Mrs Smith.
the first time for charlotte, the second time for me, and then third time for my sis.
what to do, you just never get sick of angelina jolie.
if i were a guy, i'll be having wet dreams about her.
so HOT.
i swear im a lesbian.
ha ha.
it's so hot here ):
worse than the heatwave in london.
but then of course, we have aircon.
the UK is the land of heathens, i tell you.
it's a third world country in disguise.
-scowls.
oh, and my hostess cheat my money.
):
should've gone to a storage company.
bloody blistering hell.
mm, need to get the bsb album.
okay, i really actually had quite a lot of things to say, but it's too hot to think clearly.
god, i now remember why i couldnt wait to get out of singapore.
it was partly the education thing, partly the anti-PAP thing, but mostly, it's this bleeding weather.
fucking hot.
urgh.
i'm gonna die.
-
yesterday after law, j jos and i went to watch Mr & Mrs Smith.
WHOA.
angelina jolie is so hot she's smokin'.
sizzlin'.
ah (:
she's bleeding perfect.
and i think she and brad pitt look hotstuff together.
like, jennifer who?
i am in love.
and i was just declaring angelina jolie was the love of my life when j reminded me of elena sudakova.
and because elena sudakova so zinged me at first sight,
i decided i still love her more.
so then i decided that i want to marry her and have an affair with angelina.
ho ho.
:D
i'm turning into a man.
-
okay, i have calmed down slightly.
i think.
so all im feeling now is that oh-so-familiar feeling you get when you know you are truly and thoroughly screwed.
i really don't know how to face my mother now.
and come to think of it, my daddy too.
and when you think of it more deeply, my daddy's entire family (meaning uncles, aunties and cousins) too.
but my daddy's extended family are all fucktards.
so i dont care about them.
but i so care about my mother.
):
i don't dare to go home now.
and i'm really really very sad.
this time, i can't even blame my fucktard relatives for my ruined life.
i cannot even blame the tiniest snail on the street, because yours truly screwed the exams all by myself.
and jos and j have gone off to get some dinner.
and funnily enough, i dont feel hungry even though i didnt eat the entire day.
the paper was so fucking annoying.
i wont blame the exam board for asking out of point questions.
because they were out of point.
they were just plain ... jian.
no other word for it.
jian (negative chinese word, people okay)
had to actually figure things out.
and the thing is, WE DONT HAVE TIME TO THINK IN THE EXAM.
yes, thats exactly it.
these exams, they're all a test of time and fast writing.
couldnt even stop to think, couldnt straighten up my thoughts, couldnt write coherent answers.
very very very sad.
this person ain't going to uni.
nope.
so now here i am, sitting by myself in j's room.
and comforting myself with jay chou songs.
(i would listen to bsb, but i dont feel worthy)
makes me wish harder than ive ever done that i had money.
and by that i mean billions of moolah.
life is easier when you're rich.
just look at cool paris hilton.
okay im sick of writing.
im just distracting myself from my misery.
-
i'm so jacked.
tell me, how to go home and face my mother now?
):
i am like, the world's biggest screw-up.
no face to see my mudder already larrrr.
and i know i sound like a chao ah lian.
but i dont fuckin care cos my life is over anyway.
-
it's the exams.
i'm just speechless.
have no idea what to say.
just that i'm tired.
my brain feels way too saturated.
i don't want to do the exam.
but i cant wait to get over with it.
woke up this morning, and absolutely couldn't move.
HI THIS IS J!
WE ARE ALLLLLLL SHORT CIRCUITED!
yes, we've all gone bonkers from the stress.
j has physics like NOW.
then in the afternoon, it's econs.
die die die.
oh, and j brought lucozade for me.
i think it's to pep me up for the exams later.
but i just had to drink it immediately.
and i swear it's addictive.
so now i can't stop drinking lucozade and i'm terrified that i'll get so hyper i cannot sit still.
okay, have to scoot up to the library soon to do last minute mugging.
as of now, jos and i have like .. 4 and a half hours to econs.
urk.
i feel ill.
-
wa, damn stressed damn stressed damn stressed.
i'm going through my days completely zombiefied.
i can't think properly anymore.
all i can think about is being screwed for the exams.
how the motherfuck do you write three fucking law essays in an hour?!
%^&*$#!
what a bitch.
and yesterday, i only just passed my accounting unit 1 mock.
its fuckin unit 1, and i only got 55/80
pathetic.
and my econs unit 1 i only got 31.5/40
and my econs unit 3 i only got 27/40
like !!!!!!!!!!!
am i destined to just keep on screwing up my exams?
my academic life is over if i screw this exam.
I'M MUCH TOO YOUNG TO SIT FOR THE As!!!
i mean, i'm only 16.
isn't there like a law banning such terrible things from happening?
i'm stressed i'm stressed i'm stressed.
i need to rant.
shout;
yell;
scream.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm dying.
i'm gonna fail this exam, and i'm gonna be deported back to singapore.
and i will not go to university,
and i will become a fucking seamstress in ang moh kio
and then i will meet some sad shit of a man who is equally sad.
and then we will turn to each other for the meagre comfort we can offer each other seeing that both of us have been victims of life's merciless, vicious, cruel jokes.
and we will be so impoverished that the day we realised we have enough coins in our piggy banks to buy a 3-room hdb flat in changky changkat new town, we will whoop (and weep) in joy.
and then because we are too poor to afford contraceptives, we will produce 5 rats (ie, children) and because we are so sad and poor, the 5 rats will go to changky changkat school (which is, whoohoo, just 2 hdb blocks away from our miserable excuse of a house) and there they will become chao ah bengs and chao ah lians just like that deprived bitch of a chao ah lian who stole my sister's psbb wallet (like, hello? its only psbb. not her LV or the dior -spits) and all my 5 rats will be surrounded by other sad kids who are equally impoverished and have the same sad fate.
and they will turn to each other because nobody else wants them, and they will have premarital sex and get each other knocked up, and then they have to get married and then my male rats will have to bring their childbrides home and i will be even more bitter because ITS MY FUCKIN 3-ROOM FLAT and its too small as it is. oh, but then at least, my female rats will be the childbrides of other deprived males, and hence they will leave. so it balances out.
and then because i never had the time to look at my children because i work in shop&save in the morn and and a garment factory at night, they will be ill-disciplined rats and they hate me, and they all leave me in my old age and there i will live out the rest of my life in my 3-room hdb flat with eight cats and when i die, nobody knows and my carcass will be devoured by a hungry alsatian.
and that would be my life's sad story should i fail this exam.
and actually, i think i might choose death over this.
motherfuckingcheebyewatermelonAfuckinglevels.
RARR!
i am so stressed.
-
watched house of wax on friday.
eeyer.
was bloody sick.
nothing but a gore fest with no plot.
i don't think i've ever not liked a gory show so much.
i mean, saw.
that was cool.
house of wax isn't.
maybe it's just the idea of being caked alive in wax.
so sinister.
i hated it.
THEY KILLED PARIS HILTON WITH A STICK THROUGH HER HEAD.
putting a rod through that cool lady?
what a sin.
absolute blesphemy.
was so sick.
jos and j wanted to sneak to pacifier within the first 20 mins.
i refused their pleas.
and afterwards, all of us left the cinema traumatized beyond words.
and i can't believe i sat through the whole thing without blinking.
sometimes, i wonder if i'm really sane.
ha ha ha, and then afterwards, i kept wailing that i needed a man to comfort me.
and jos commented that j and i are always saying that we need a man.
me for carrying my heavy bag.
and j, whenever she wants to eat.
(:
i think what we need is a slave.
not a man.
but who cares.
man, slave; slave, man.
ALL THE SAME!
:D
on saturday, went to study.
studied in the morn,
went to starbucks to study and drink coffee.
heard a whole gallon of gossip.
shit, i feel so cheated.
i never knew all those people were so rich.
-sulks.
okay, then on sunday, we watched titanic.
jos and j are such backward creatures.
i swear, they've been living in drains.
you know sunday was the first time both of them watched titanic?
madness.
anyway, they both fell in love with jack dawson.
ha ha, DUH.
they're a bit slow.
like, 6 years slow.
but ha ha,
always better late than never.
okay, j just came.
im going for breakfast.
-
mm, school ain't so fun anymore ):
half the bunch have left.
and like, the remaining has suddenly got all weirded and treacherous.
like, what's with the weed and the ciggies and the funny strong smelling drug stuff?
yuck.
i disapprove.
A LOT.
got econs mock in about 5.
need to run.
jos and i had fun reading some harry potter site just now.
was so funny.
cannot wait for the next book.
whoopee (:
why does voldemort look more normal (ie, cute) than sirius?
it isn't fair!
-sulks.
-
yesterday, j almost did something really cool.
and really brave too.
i was so ... proud.
then the guys came and ruined it all.
stupid, annoying, smelly boys.
ha ha ha,
and then they horsed around.
and j kicked geoff in the balls.
mortally injured him.
and he refused to acknowledge her existence for the rest of the day.
PETTY.
-snorts.
it's only his nuts afterall.
(and it's not like he has a lot of them)
hee hee.
was trying to study for accounting mock,
saw yiyang,
and then she like, half tutored me econs.
WAAA, SHE'S DAMN GOOD LAH PEOPLE.
and her voice is like, nice nice too.
so ha ha, i liked listening to her speak.
(:
i've booked her on friday to teach me more stuff again.
and i think, one day when she's not aware,
i will follow her home.
and force her to tutor me somemore!
:D
yes, please everybody construct an image of my rubbing my hands together gleefully with an evil grin.
ha ha ha ha!
i am evviiiiiill.
that looked so wrong.
anyway, had accounting mock.
tch tch tch.
i don't even know how i'm gonna pass this term's exams.
):
i am so sad.
mr burger is gonna screw my predicted grades too.
byebye good college of my dreams.
ah ):
oh, and i felt super bad cos i helped sanny do 2 questions of our homework,
got one wrong.
and that wasn't the prob.
thing was another p e r s o n copied me too.
):
so in the end we all got abit of a skewering from burger.
which, isn't fair to sanny.
oh, but sanny was nice about it, and she forgave me.
or at least, i hope she did.
ha ha.
sanny's another person i'm gonna stalk too for extra tutoring
(:
oh, and sanny's friend's brother is damn cute.
ha ha, i don't even know why i said that.
so random.
i told them i thought richard gere was hot.
and one of them, chuin ying, agreed.
HA HA HA.
it shows that i'm not a freak.
mm, actually, what am i talking about.
lots of people like richard gere.
..
it's just that they tend to be older women.
sha la la la.
i am bored.
have mock interview later.
aiyaaaa, i don't want man.
i'ma sad two-finger typist.
):
quote of the day ( meaning, yesterday) was by josephine.
josephine: "Your pussy has bad taste."
ha ha ha!
and NO, she was not talking to me.
-
