Friday, September 30, 2005
oh my god, i'm sick ):
i don't believe it, i'm really sick.
woke up with a sore throat and sniffles.
aiyo, what a day to get sick.
even when healthy, i always need a great deal of stamina to survive my fridays.
nevermind, not that it really matters.
i can't skip class or my test.
speaking of which, had better go study soon.
and i'm gonna play tennis too.
ha ha, so i won't be such an embarrassment when i come back, and my brother doesn't have to lop balls on purpose so as to reduce the obvious-ity of my ineptitude.
(:
it's so cold here, -wails.
my bones ache, i feel like an old miserable hag.
grarrr.
ha ha, i'm so boring.
there were like, football matches yesterday.
not that i really care, but i was hanging around anyways, while j and jos went to get their passport photos taken.
and all i did was sit at a bench and watch xiang and faisal dance around like mad fucks while trying to study government.
but it was a laugh anyway.
(:
Hurter was really cute yesterday.
ha ha ha, i'm starting to like him more and more.
josephine thinks he's damn nice too.
cos he scared her.
.. okay, i know that sounds weird, but it'll make sense if you were here.
-laughs.
i keep getting hits from people who are searching on Barbie Hsu and Vic Zhou.
ha ha, get a life!
they are going out, aren't they?
her mother doesn't approve, but they don't really care.
and barbie hsu obviously has had her eyes on him a long time, (growls!)
yes, she's a big bitch.
go kill her.
:D
relationships are scary.
tch, i don't think i ever want to be in one.
i'm bored and alone now.
the comp lab is still quite empty cos it's like, 8.40 only.
always the early bird.
hee hee.
ha ha, the russians are playing some comp game.
and all you hear is, "Naaaah SUKA .... Ahhhh SUKA ... SUKA SUKA."
-giggles.
so funny.
suka is bitch in russian, i think.
ha ha ha.
males are always so violent when they're playing computer games.
econs test later.
):
Hayes just keeps piling on the homework like econs is the only subject we take.
i so hate A2 level.
i'm only 16, i'm too young for this shit.
-wails.
anws, chan hasn't emailed me and she should've when i was sleeping last night.
but okay la, she's under a lot of stress, so i am kind and understanding and will not curse at her again.
ha ha ha.
aiya, econs test!
i'm so scared.
hello, my life is so very un-happening.
but i've decided that i should at least give it a semblence of some happening-ness, since i am the fortunate one to escape catholic junior college and fly miles away to the UK.
i mean, how many people can actually escape CJC, and go somewhere that is .. well, relatively better?
so tonight, i am going to have a very happening night, doing very happening things like starting my happening economics homework and mugging for happening accounting.
and tomorrow, i will wake up early and perky and be very happy that my life is so happening and nobody is happening-er than me.
no, that really isn't helping is it?
had funny night.
drifting in and out of consciousness with odd senseless snippets of conversations with people.
excerpt of conversations i heard in my head were:
jos: it's getting colder
j: let's go to london.
lee: oh my god, so can you fly?
please don't tell me they don't make sense, because i know that already.
the workings of my mind are too complex for me to understand.
all i know is that i'm very tired all over again.
the ipod nano is SO fetch.
i'm totally getting one.
i should start taking photos.
to document my life so that i can look back at the year 2005 when i'm 70 and not think, now what the fuck was i doing then?
and just die never being able to recall what i did.
that i'll do.
when i wake up one morning and feel happy.
now, i wake up every morning feeling very harrassed.
so that photo-taking day, i envision, is still faraway.
cheers.
omg just saw self in the most hideous form at j's blog.
horrendous, traumatizing experience.
i'm still recovering from the shock of seeing ugly self with mouth like great big gaping hole.
i look like that monster fish in the underwaterworld i saw in p6.
what was it called?
yes, the giant garouper.
):
kill me.
oh no, farhan totally screwed me up.
aiyo ):
but all is well, life is alright.
i have so many frees today.
the thought just makes me happy.
oh yeah, and i've decided that i'll be humble and good from now on.
and i'll just be a normal lawyer, and marry a normal doctor, and buy a normal bungalow in normal 2nd ave and have some normal kids, and live a normal humble life.
and if you think that isn't humble, fuck you.
you obviously don't know me and haven't heard about my swiss banker theory.
or the ruler of the universe theory.
i'm just going to devote myself to a life of humbleness led in humble little Singapura.
that's what i'm going to do.
waa, now i am so sad thinking of my future.
i'm just thinking of Malvolio now.
"some have greatness THRUST upon them."
now let me be one of them.
at 2.30, i will start looking for economics articles and get started on my personal statement.
for now, i give myself a break.
this whole morning has been spent in a nervous wreck.
i don't like nervous breakdowns.
and i'll like to congratulate me on getting 44/50 for the govt and politics test i lost interest in right smack in the middle of the test and was mentally trying to murder myself for being so spoilt when i thought, "fuck it, why am i doing this to myself?" and i handed the paper in right away.
so even though the results aren't stellar, it's still pretty darn good, seeing the circumtances.
i give myself a pat on the back.
but no more of this.
i really have to stop dreaming when i'm supposed to be studying.
and more importantly, stop losing interest in tests in the middle of them.
very suicidal, that kind of attitude eh.
You're Beautiful by James Blunt is currently ringing relentlessly in my head.
"she could see from my face that i was .. FUCKING HIGH."
-giggles.
that line just refuses to get out of my head.
and i keep having to remind myself not to sing that line aloud.
i'm quite convinced that i'm going to be falling ill.
yes, i am.
and clare still hasn't mailed me back.
nasty little thing.
i cannot keep up with my life.
the pace too fast.
everything's just going too fucking quickly for me.
i think, one day i'm just going to break.
but for now, it's rushing rushing rushing.
personal statement and UCAS by 945 tommorrow.
3 econs articles with summaries by 11 tommorrow.
memorizing acc layouts for the test tomorrow.
fuck me, i want to die.
i almost hope someone will murder me.
stab me in the guts.
shoot me in the head.
urk.
):
saturday was one of those nights that people (ie. me) won't forget anytime soon.
quite an experience, i'll say.
mid-autumn festival my big fat arse.
it was more like mid-fucking-winter festival.
and now, i've got my law test to mug for.
and once again, i cannot remember a thing.
but what the hell.
i survived saturday.
i can survive this.
ha ha ha, just now during government, they were talking about what kinds of government our country has.
and when my teacher asked me,
i said Singapore was a dictatorship.
-giggles.
and you know what, that is the truth okaaaay.
and Norman didn't refute me or anything.
so it was agreed that Singapore has a benevolent dictatorship.
because nobody seems to have much of a problem about our Lee dynasty.
in fact, i think most people positively love it.
because they don't have to think or anything, and everything is done for everybody.
ha ha ha, whatever.
my government test was shit.
i was rushing like hell, and then halfway through, i lost interest in it.
so i handed it up.
my work attitude sucks so bad nowadays it isn't even funny.
and i only just got 31 outta 40 for my law.
which is just dismal.
aye ):
life is such a sadness.
oh man, and then now they all don't want to go back in dec.
then i how!!
cos it's damn expensive, i know.
but then .... i want to see bri and clare lah.
what the fuck.
i am depressed.
i did the correct thing yesterday.
i went to my law re test even though i didn't need to because i had all the right to when that woman messed up.
i am a good girl.
congratratulate me (:
-laughs.
i've got a nice long mail from clare, so that makes up for mine being tired and sad.
giggles, sanny is next to me and she's looking at me type.
(:
so anyways, i've decided that i really need to be damn damn good from now on and go home straight everyday and study.
ha ha ha clare, i went to friendster, and i saw THE picture.
wah lao eh, china illegal immigrant, not?
-cackles.
okay, upon admonishment from yiyang, i have decided to straighten up my life.
this term's gotten off a bad start, but it's not gonna stay that way.
no sirree.
so i'm like gonna mug and mug and mug.
and read the newspaper everyday.
and those law books.
and the economist.
yes, and i'll be the total academic overachiever.
(:
Lee the Nerd, episode II.
(episode I was in sec 2. that failed)
and i need to lose weight.
and then i can go for some .. i don't know, plastic surgery.
THEN, i can go find my swiss bank!
(:
yes, that is correct.
i want to marry a swiss bank owner, not for the man, but for the bank.
if i could just marry the bank, even better.
ha ha ha.
oh -giggles.
i'm in a brilliant mood.
the weather's all nice and perfecto today.
i like gloomy mornings.
they make me happy.
oh, and like i was thinking, just in case i cannot find my swiss bank
(and how many are there around to marry anyway?)
then i'll just settle for the plan B.
that is, marry a doctor.
and that ... HA HA HA!
easy (:
my sister's gonna become a doctor, so i can go have look-see of her colleagues next time.
oh, and then i learnt yesterday that xiang and faisal are all gonna be medical people.
ho ho ho, good good.
more people i can make use of to find my doctor.
i am pleased, i am.
now, if only i didn't have that re-test.
):
OH WELL.
i'm still happy today!
my weekend was the pits.
the absolute pits.
couldn't sleep, could hardly study.
and basically, i spent the weekend moping.
had nice long conversation with the sister on sunday.
i'll say that was the highlight of my weekend.
i actually felt more straightened out after talking to her.
bitching like hell is always fun.
hah, my sister the bitch is becoming bitchier everyday.
so that would explain why after our phonecall ended, i felt so desolated.
so then i called my dad.
then i smsed my mom.
and then i smsed clare.
and then i went all loser and sent a mass sms.
only some people had the decency to answer me.
but some with the decency to not ignore me was being very indecent about it.
-glares.
but anyway, sanny was the best.
she called back almost immediately.
yay, props to sanny!
:D
oh, and i started thinking about when i first noticed my friends.
how i thought phoon was just so so gorgeous.
get this: i actually likened her to an angel.
how ironic.
but you must forgive me, i was only 10.
and then i was thinking about how phoon has this amazing attractive force over other people.
and how no matter what gender, she gets them.
because, what phoonty wants, phoonty gets.
and i love her for that.
(:
how i first noticed clare, that was funny.
it was math lesson in p4 and the teacher was using the projector.
and suddenly, at the other end of the class, i see a stick figure gyrating and waving like a mad fuck.
and then this high-pitched bitchy voice went, " Miss Tan, Brianna took my hair ribbon!"
chan wai man, always the little bitch.
awh, i'm getting nostalgic.
):
ha ha ha, and bri hid daphne's correction tape and was so excited about that she yanked me by the ear, put her mouth to it, and proceeded to spit an entire sentence into my ear telling me the brilliant hiding place to the abovementioned correction tape.
so cute.
charlotte was nasty to me.
so so evil as a child.
but then of course, it's because she's so acerbic that makes her so fun.
anyhow, i feel ill again.
ugh, should've stayed home.
except, i don't like staying alone there.
i'll go mad, i will.
think i will go hide under the stairs later.
god, i miss everybody.
):
ah shit man, i just had my government test.
they asked for the russian president's name.
and the first russian name that came to my mind was obviously Vladimir right.
but i was thinking, no cannot be so cliche.
and i anyhow put Mikhail.
then i was thinking, yes yes i know that guy's name.
the surname is something-something tin.
but how to write _ _ tin right?
so i just left it at Mikhail.
and guess what's the man's name?
it's Vladimir Putin.
oh mother son of god.
i actually almost got his name.
shit lah.
):
now i feel like such a fool.
aiyaaaaa.
ha ha, and Woods is still alive, and still the invigilator.
ugh, i hate her.
you know that day, she came late to open the test period room's door.
then she was carrying her pussy fruit tea as usual.
and you know what that old woman did?!
she put it on the window sill and turned to me.
gave me a very condescending, english old woman here-kitty-kitty look and went," if you're a good girl, you'll help me bring this into the room."
waaah lao eh.
>:(
then what was i to do right.
and obviously i'm a good girl.
so i carried the stupid cup of tea into the room and put it on her table.
bitch, embarrass me like that.
and it was like ... raspberry tea or something.
i mean, can you get anymore old woman and pussy then that?
and she made me carry it into the room in her sly and cunning english way.
wah lao eh, cannot take it.
stupid english and all their manipulative ways.
one day, i must really wipe them out.
bitches, all of them.
grarr.
random thought of the day would be that violent, abrupt love usually leads to violent, abrupt detestation.
weird, but very true.
for me, that is.
(and as far as i can see, this affects charlotte too)
the pod's gone dead.
it just died on me, man.
what a nasty little thing.
yi, what to do what to do!!
nail-biting must really be the most disgusting habit.
i was on the bus and this lady came on.
she must've been about 20.
and all through the ride, she kept nibbling at her nails.
god, it raises my hackles just to think about it.
dammit, i was so irritated and disgusted by her i wanted to go over and slap her.
nasty, nasty habit.
oh, and i might've forgotten to mention.
there's this mighty cute russian here.
and he's really russian.
as in, "I am from Russia" kinda russian.
not Latvia, or Lithuania or whatever.
waaa, so cute you know.
and he has the nicest pair of shoes.
but damned short.
we've got our eyes on him anyway.
but in an eye-candy way.
not the 'ooh, i think i'm in love' way.
aye, whatever.
eh, what the hell, my messenger is playing with my mind!
it says my sister is offline, but my sister isn't.
how weird is it that i'm talking to her, but my screen persists in saying she's offline?
ugh.
oh, and i love me sister.
and phoonty!
god, i love phoon's blog, i keep seeing my name.
i just love it when my friends blog about me, ha ha ha.
(:
okay, im screwed.
today, i am going to attempt to complete an economics essay which was meant to be done over 3 months.
YAY PHOONTY, I WANT YOU HERE TOO!!
WO AI NI
:D
i cannot get sick of Tears of the Moon by Nora Roberts.
Shawn Gallagher is so nice, i want a guy like him.
ha ha ha.
i couldn't sleep last night because of anxiety.
unfortunately, it wasn't productive anxiety.
in fact, it was very damn unproductive.
i'll say, it's just like the O level ones, how i get scared but don't do anything, so i get even more scared, and i'm just paralysed with terror, and i'm basically inept for the rest of the night.
god, i hate that.
i need help.
accounting is scaring the living beejeezus outta me.
):
HOW HOW HOW!
i'm so terrified, i fail again for this subject, and then i'm really screwed.
i mean, Os, i managed to scrape through, but this?
i've got no backup man.
i'm dead, i'm dead.
okay, no more, i'm going to meditate and then emerge a new person.
and i will .. well, you know, study hard.
and unfortunately, 'i tried my best' isn't going cut it this time.
because even if i did, and i still fail, then i guess my best just wasn't enough.
aw, fuck me.
well, i'm here now.
and ........ grarr.
):
i've got Norman for 2 subjects, so that's good.
and Hayes is brilliant, especially after Gall, that boring old gallbladder.
but my accounting teacher is a horror.
Mr Hurter, can you believe his name?
and guess what, boy he really hurts.
he's old and nasty.
and what's with all that facial hair, man.
like santa claus without the 'Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas!'
i mean, at least Burger was nice to look at.
pfffft.
and the weather's all wonky and weird.
and because of that, my room's infested with all these small black stuff.
and after a closer inspection, to my utter horror, i realised they're bugs, not bits of coal.
so these black buggers keep attaching themselves to my legs, and i'm just sick disgusted with them.
so last night, i was studying, and being all paranoid, i kept swiping my legs at every moment.
then this one black thingy thing landed on the school diary i happened to be perusing.
and thank heavens, the book didnt mean much to me, so i smooshed the bug with it.
then i flipped open the book.
and i see two spots of red.
the thing was oozing blood, man.
and as far as i know, insects don't bleed blood unless they're satisfied mosquitos.
so my first reaction was, "THAT'S MY BLOOD, YOU BITCH.''
and then i proceeded to slam the book shut again, and stomp on it.
take that, you thieving, blood-sucking bugger.
oh well, did i mention that my flight was damned looooooong?
but i had a good seat, so it wasn't so bad.
but then i had a coupla very chatty South Africans as neighbours.
and they were all yabbering about their hometowns.
like, okay, shut up already.
i'm feeling all shattered, and i really don't need to know that you're from bloody Zimbabwe.
oh, and then a woman with a thousand ailments came to sit next to me, but she wasn't bad because at the end of the flight, she went, "Bang on time! This is Singapore Airlines, indeed!"
and i felt this unnaturally huge surge of love for the motherland.
so, after 13 full hours of eyeing the woman with disdain, i decided i quite liked her afterall.
ha ha.
bloody cabbie took a damned long time to come.
and a damned long time driving me back.
and now, i'm still in disbelief that i'm back.
everything is so shockingly familiar, yet so unfamiliar.
it's like a past lifetime of sorts.
i cannot believe i'd stayed here for 6 months.
this place sucks man, they should be colonized by Singapore, and then our Lee Dynasty will actually make this place livable.
yes, yes.
Singapore should take over the world.
and the our mainland will be headquarters, yes.
and it makes sense that we rule, because we are quite literally at the center of the earth.
you just don't get anymore center than the equator, do you?
i've got an accounting test later.
damn me to hell.
i just cannot wait to see what hurt Eric Hurter will cause me when he sees my paper.
dang, dang, dang.
i don't want to go back!
i really really don't want to!!
):
bloody depressed, i tell you.
went back to school yesterday for teacher's day.
i was bloody lucky that yimin was going back too, so i got back my sim cards.
thank god, i'd hate to think of going back to the UK without a phoneline again.
and i ate two bowls of orange bowl.
kinda like a goodbye gift from me to me.
i'm bored with recounting.
charlotte stayed over, we watched buffy which was damn sad because buffy was in heaven and willow ripped her back to earth.
and spike is hot, and buffy is never gonna hump around with him anymore.
okay out of point, nevermind.
my mom just handed me more notes, what to spend on .....
aiyaaa.
):
today charlotte woke me up before 8.
she's evil, that one.
spent the day loitering town with charlotte and her friends.
and bloody tired, going out for goodbye dinner, for which i am treating the family, and then to Riverine, which i am bloody not paying for because i can't drink much alcohol anyway since my liver is very important to me.
am incoherent.
do not want to go back.
but must, must, must.
i feel criminal again, will this never end?
i need to marry a billionaire.
find myself a swiss man.
the kinds that go on a buy-one-get-one-free basis.
you know, buy one swiss man, get a swiss bank free.
I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK.
KILL ME PLEASE.
i'd actually wanted to go to JB with charlotte so i'd get shot and not go back.
of course, charlotte only wanted to go to JB for the curly fries and (shh) pirated DVDs.
and get this, my sister actually thought we were really going to JB.
okay, i know piracy is bad, but JB DVDs are really brilliant.
everyone who's watched my Naked Weapon has been fully amazed by it.
and if you watched Naked Weapon in Singapore Cinemas or by Singapore DVD, you really don't know what you're missing.
ha ha, piracy supporter = me
i am such a felon.
yippee yay.
charlotte's off to Chomp Chomp, whooeee.
this is uncharacteristic, but i wonder what it'll be like if i were enrolled in JC.
okay, we all know i'd have blasted my brains out before i allow that, but damn me ...
you know, people should really invent that bloody time machine already, and not just keep writing books and movies about them.
i'm so depressed, i don't even know why.
i feel like .... death itself.
karma is a bitch.
