LEE 10:38 PM
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okay, almost had a mental collapse awhile ago but was saved by two cigs
i know it's a very bad habit but i promise i won't touch any unless i'm in actual crisis

let me just languish in a moment of denial/escapism.

so anyway my dad daoed my phonecall,
which is alright i guess, since i was about to pour it all out- including how i just chugged two fags.
and i don't know how cool he'll be with that even though frankly speaking he was the one who taught me how to smoke. hm. love my dad.

probably won't tell my mom about my exam fears just yet because i do it every year and she always somehow is so kind to me and i really feel very bad about letting her down :(
love my mom too.

and my sis because she said she'll still fwen me even if i turn out to be the most complete abject failure of the year.
and she calls me whenever i feel lonely/scared/sad
love.

and clare, love you love you because your comments made me smile for the first time today.

plus kelvin, omg he is so nice.
he called to offer me the notes he's making now because he knows i'm freaking out.
people are still kind to me :)

j said on skype that she will help me topic spot for property

hm guess that just all made me feel better even though it's not going to help me on my journey to hell over IP and property.

bad day,
but here's my love to all the people who were nice to me today

LEE 8:23 PM
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turns out phoon had our 2003 fullerton fountain clique photo all along.

awh, love you all (minus one or two ha ha ha you guys knowwwww)

Frenz4eva phoonty :)

if you don't remember how that name first appeared, it was in p6 when we were staying back for higher chinese when we decided to be cheeky and ran down to mac's for lunch. and they had a neoprint machine in front of mac's back in those days so for whatever random reason we decided to take a neoprint and you insisted on writing something and wrote Frenz4eva which we thought was super lame but let it be just because you had to write something. ha ha ha. i still have that neoprint :)

okay have to go. got class and work to get on with.

somebody remind me again why i am in law school.

LEE 2:53 PM
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you know, i'm half sad over the fact that i didn't do any work this year because after slogging through some trusts seminars these past few days, i find that i actually like it.
like you read it and at first you're like wtf wtf
then suddenly a lightbulb appears
and then there's this beautiful feeling of world peace:)

anyway i'm really mad at penner.
i actually think that hayton is much friendlier to learn from even though it's such a scary big tome.
this penner right, he really irritates me!
like i'd be reading this whole page of like some analysis thing and i'll think, whoa critical analysis sia, better learn.
so i slog through the entire thing right, and at the last line i see something like- ya but anyway, this is all not applicable in english law.

"............."

like,
!@#$%^&* MY EXAMS ARE IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS I DONT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR PILES OF NONSENSE

wa, really damn pissing.
oh and btw the "....." thing above is to like imitate you know how in books when someone does something really stupid everybody is like dotdotdot in silence (the chinese equivalent is where this cartoon crow flies across the page/tv screen)

ha ha ha, okay ignore me.
stress you know.

so anyway i think my brain is numbed again and i'm trying to wake it up by doing something random for one hour.
also, my timetable is confusing me because it says i have a trademarks class at six but i don't know... somehow my impression is that trademarks classes are no more.
but guess i'll check it out later anyway.

yeah.

i think i must be going crazy because i keep thinking that i want a pony called starrdust.

LEE 3:19 PM
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all i've been doing this week is think of how that actor looks so much like lmd i get chest pains just looking at him.

instead of mugging hard as i'm supposed to, especially taking into consideration how much i do not know, i've been:-

i) Hanging out with airen, dinner at bar shu, K with addie alan kelvin stefan/stafen/stephen *delete where applicable

ii) Hanging out with airen, dim sum at ping pong, walking around selfridges

iii) Hanging out with airen, dinner at royal china with airen kelvin stefan/stafen/stephen

iv) Hanging out with ant, failed jog (because he started sprinting)

v) short phone conversations with almost all of the above (i don't want to list them again) plus grace and jessika

vi) reading half blood prince and wanting to kick harry in the bollocks

-

anyway i thought i'd be completely lost without my housemates
but i'm actually doing OK :-)
thanks to all of the above mentioned.

sorry i wish i could have a more interesting blog but i've realised to my utter horror that i'm your near textbook definition of a 宅女
which saddens me tremendously
but i have to be honest and true and admit that doing random things at home with occasional interruptions from the outside world IZ DA SHIZZLEDIZZLE YO. !

okay, this exam business is really pissing me off.
it is disrupting my perfectly contented state and i can't spend time obsessing over trivial things like how the actor looks so much like my (ok not anymore hurr) lmd in peace.

it's scary how i've said that i'm freaking out so often that i find i no longer actually am.

God needs to help me out here.
i need to learn how to say the Lord's prayer in more languages.

LEE 12:01 AM
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One time when we were in sec 3, Clare faxed all her additional mathematics homework to me so that I could copy them. And when the fax fucked up at the last set of work, she wrote out another copy with some small deviations here and there and put my name on top so that I could hand in the entire stack that very day itself and not have marks deducted off my exam paper.

Yeah, when I remembered that yesterday I was so touched I couldn't function.

I'm so used to what my life and the people around me are like now that I find it hard to believe anybody could've been so nice to me.
Which really doesn't say very nice things about grown up life, does it?

I was reading my guestbook yesterday and it made me realise that my life really wasn't as unhappening as I now believe it to have been. It's funny.
Now I don't feel so bad about not living life to the fullest.
I guess I just haven't lived a proper life since I came here, but I definitely had a satisfactory enough life before. Life from CTC to Kings has just been deadening.
Anybody who can find it fun is honestly... I don't even know what to say to them really.

Yesterday, I ate some of Teoh's chow mein and felt so guilty that I decided to go out for a jog.
At the park I was thinking to myself, hmm how long should I run.
And then I saw this pink tree in the distance and I was like, okay I will jog to the pink tree.
So I started jogging and kept thinking, pink tree pink tree pink tree

BUT WHO KNEW THAT PINK TREE WAS 12938362630 MILES AWAY?!

When I reached the pink tree, I squeaked and keeled over.
Then I got up, clasped my chest and limped home.
My run had officially lasted for 15 minutes.

I was in such pain.
This reminds me again why I never exercise.
It does evil things to me.
EVIL.

Anyway, I would like to share something with you guys.

This is my brother.
He was the first (& perhaps only) person to get piss-ass wasted at his friend's 'do.
That signifies the drinking capability of a siamese kitten.
He has brought shame upon our family.

LEE 11:58 AM
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Went to the library this morning but couldn't concentrate on work!
The thing about property law is that the more you read up on it, the more you wish you hadn't.
I was so much happier when I didn't know exactly how much I didn't know.

):

So anyway, I'm back home now and trying to resist sleep.
Airen where are you! Sms me soon so we can go out! Fast fasssssssst!
Hmm, quite restless actually, come to think of it.
Airen!!!!

Mm Kelvin went to the casino last night after dinner till 5am and won like plenty buckeroos.
He said on the phone that the next dinner is on him. Yessss!
But I was wondering if he can be convinced to have monday's K sesh on him instead... Ha ha ha, that will mean I spend 25pounds ++ less!!!! <3 <3 <3
Okay, it's a small hope. Faint. Slight. Vague.
But I think I might still try to persuade him because I am Lee Who Never Gives Up.

Hm yeah right.

I think I saw ants in the bathroom!
How come! HOW! I thought Europe didn't have ants!
They look quite gentle anyhow, not like the violent ahbeng ants in Singapore. But I still don't like ants!!! What to do, what to do.
There are two men in the house at the mo, but I am really not on Shriek-shriek-Kill-Ants-For-Me!! terms with them. Especially the guy from Oxford. I'm only on polite smile terms with him. I cannot ask him to kill ants for me.
This is a dilemma.

Do you think if I waited till Ant comes down to London and kills the ants for me the ants would've set up an Ant Kingdom in the bathroom already? Because that will really piss me off.

Speaking of which right, this Ant... So much for coming down Thursday & Friday to study. Heinous Liar.

I'm sad. I'm living below the poverty line! I have all the wealth of a street rat/church mouse. Nobody wants to employ me as a kept woman. Zey Zon Lykch Mie Bcuz Um Fat. Zey Discriminate! >:(
Ah nevermind I think I am going into the phase where Smarts > $$
No keep yer panties on!! , I'm sure it's only a short phazeee
I call it Zhishu Phaze.

Got Milk? Luvvvv my Frenz

And quite excited about Xmas '08 now!
Me and mah bitchezzz at Xing Tian Di.... Yowzaaaaaa! Okay overreaction.
I don't even know what Xing Tian Di is. Ha. Ha.

Okay honestly Airen, I think now is a very good time for you to call me
Pls call me

I want pixie dust I want pixie dust I want pixie dust

LEE 1:23 PM
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kelvin said today, "女神干了也变凡人。"

made me laugh.

LEE 10:34 PM
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you know what i would do if i didn't have to worry about the exams now?
i would learn morse code.

wouldn't that be cool?
.--- --- .-. .-.. -.. .--. . .- -.-. . -.-- -----
... --- -.. -.-- --- ..- -- --- - .... . .-.

it's like another language, except easier to learn.
i think i might just do it now, come to think of it haha.
it's actually quite fun.
and you get this long forgotten immature jolt of no-one-else-will-understand-yeeheehee! glee reminiscent of our days of yore.

went to Westminster U to study today
the fact that it was completely deserted at 11 gave me such a pang.
evidently, i've finally found out where all my proper counterparts in life have gone to.
Westminster U, innit.
):

and they have a Ben&Jerry's... omg, i can't remember what that thing is called. dispensing machine? no, that's not correct.
fuck.
i must be brain dead,
note to self: come back when have remembered what that is.
this is so embarrassing.

i really want toast and beans now.
it's freakishly cold here and i feel both overheated and chilled to the core.
very uncomfortable, and plus i fell asleep at 8 only waking just before midnight so i guess it's byebye to sleeping at a decent time now.

so anyway friends, i was devastated- DEVASTATED!- to find out that They Kiss Again is ending soon. it's hardly as if i depend on the show to live, but it's damned cruel it is, ending itself so quickly.
especially since i have such an interest in yushu + haomei now (<3 !)
so sweet, young love.

i want to be young again.
reckon that's probably why i like this picture so much- because all the people in it are from those days when i still unconsciously looked forward to things.
it's very sad how you really lose that wide eyed wonder for the world thing as you get older.

and this makes me oddly nostalgic even though i can hardly remember a time in secondary school when we would be caught dead hanging out and drinking milo/pokka green tea at some random HDB playground in yio chu kang or was it ang mo kio? i think we actually spent some time arguing about that ha ha ha.
往事只能回味 ：（

i think talking to louie today also brought some memories back.
somehow sec three was really the year of everything happening, even though i didn't particularly like it when i was living it then.
except for SARS, which i still think back fondly on.
i think SARS and i think clare, edison chen MTVs and lots of guestbook signings haha <3

i guess it's time to accept that we either continue living in the past or we start making new memories to look back on five years from now.

so Bri, are you going to be our gracious host in Shanghai this december? :D
you have to, you have to! it's going to be our One Decade of Great ABCL Friendship.
ha ha ha ha.

LEE 1:08 AM
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i wake up each morning feeling guilty as sin for not doing any work
then i look into the mirror and i see my fat ugly face.
and it's painfully obvious that i'm looking at a face which needs soap, water and Christian tolerance.

this has to stop.
this fucked up lifestyle of mine.

i had japanese and sake last night which fucked up my starvation
and i didn't study which fucks up my exam plans.
and then i ate somemore just now, which is making me sleepy
which will of course fuck up my studying
........................ the neverending cycle of doom.

yeah i think this is the point where i normally freak out.
but i'm just really really sleepy now.

OUT.

LEE 2:39 PM
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