Sunday, July 31, 2005
how novel it feels to see my blog without a tagboard.
i quite relish it.
must get into the habit of checking my guestbook again.
i have reached self-actualization.
or at least, the first stage of it.
don't ask me how.
i don't know.
it happened just like all the other milestones in my life.
i woke up in the morning, and there!
it's there like it always was.
if you didn't understand that last paragraph, i don't care.
it's because i am self-actualized and i truly no longer care for societal thoughts.
and i also no longer care if only one person reads my blog a day because i .. well, just really don't care.
i need my eyes checked.
small japanese words make my eyes very uncomfortable.
whatever, i need my eyes checked.
i cannot wait for me to be 18 or 21 whichever the age limit is so i can go for the lasik surgery.
my brother cannot wait too.
he is recently introduced to the land of myopia.
albeit, it's only one eye that has a problem, so he doesn't wear specs, he has contacts.
my mother does not understand how i can never successfully wear contacts.
sensitive eyes, and strong eye muscles are my downfall, i think.
ho ho.
ooh my mom just brought back a bunch of cool cds.
what maksim and kitaro.
and then there's some korean cd which i'm sure my sister is going to be very interested in.
ha ha ha.
cool shit.
okay, i was invited to charlotte's to watch cruel intentions, but i feel too slack and homey to want to move.
and i (very rudely) have not gotten back to charlotte.
tch.
i horrify myself.
i'm feeling hale and hearty!
:D
weekend mornings are lovely.
i think i'm actually a morning person.
(:
i sleep better in the day then i do at night.
i took off my tagboard because it was such a stinker.
i never liked it.
nasty thing.
today was my first time at k-box.
it was, oh well, nothing new since we just sat around and watched chinese mtvs.
walked around town after.
dior stuff are really quite affordable, aren't they?
my sister and i were damned surprised at the prices.
we kept almost saying,"so cheap."
but then we have good manners so we didn't.
heh.
i wish i read japanese.
bought my hana yori dango FF.
but what's a bunch of really nice pictures if you don't understand why they're there?
):
ri dramafeste last night, then huge nostalgia fit.
come back to me, secondary school days.
it's funny how i hated st nicks till the day i left.
i dont want to grow up.
nasty weather today.
all weird and going to rain not not actually raining.
dang uncomfortable.
have i mentioned that i ruined my french manicure that day because i stuck my nail into the doorknob.
yes, the bleedin' doorknob.
if you're wondering how that is possible, let me assure you that with my shack of a house, it is very certainly perfectly possible.
and may it be said that i have the kookiest, ugliest, most twisted and spoiled doorknob in usage.
once, it locked itself and we had my woman in black tickets inside.
so in a huge impatience fit (after searching to no avail for the phantom key), my mother whacked the doorknob viciously several times with a hammer and there, my eccentric doorknob was born.
but it still works perfectly, somehow.
that is, as long as french manicured nails are not involved.
my house is falling apart.
i think my mom is waiting for someone to die of electrocution before she does something about it.
to think i used to laugh at jerry yen because he has a refrigerator that's older than him.
because, come to think of it, my fridge is older than me too.
at least one of them is.
):
i am so sore.
in an alternate world, i'm living on 2nd avenue.
ha ha ha.
having just read phoon's mail, i can safely conclude that i'm not the only dreamer around.
ha ha ha.
okay, one mystery solved.
she wants a mazda because she's had the mercs and beemer.
good point, but i've had the mercs and beemer too.
i still don't want a mazda.
i want a baby jag (:
i have yet to change my links.
too lazy too.
but i get that's not the best excuse since changing them are just a few clicks away.
okay, i'm changing them now.
OH GAG ME I FORGOT THERE'S PILATES TODAY.
ugh.
i am sad.
my big black baggy miss sixty cargos are getting baggier.
they're slipping all over the place.
and that does not make sense because i haven't done anything consciously to cause any weight lost.
no exercise plus gorging my face and my pants still gets looser?
i don't know whether to be happy or alarmed.
stupid channel 8 cancer show.
now i'm so paranoid about cancer.
okay, i think my mom's partner (as in colleague, okay) hates me.
):
but nevermind lah, i kind of, sort of deserve it.
and besides, i thrive on hate.
(:
i have to find the other special edition han yori dango comic.
it's called FF.
what a weird name.
i swear if it means F4 Forever, i will kill myself.
okay, i really like dao ming si.
because now i'm even starting to not mind jerry yen.
which is saying a lot because after the one month of mad obsession because of the drama, i became convinced he was gay, and then a moron, and then a pussy, and it all went downhill from there.
regardless, he sings quite well now doesn't he?
quite an improvement.
when i first heard him sing in that godknowswhat cd, i was traumatized.
like, if he can be a singer, the rest of us can be like, elton john lah.
my favourite chinese song now is that one by jerry yen,
hee hee.
i am so gay.
okay i'm going to revamp my already skimpy links to make them skimpier because i am suffering from an identity crisis.
i don't know how that links but it just does because i say so.
phoon is so greedy.
i told her that if i were loaded, i would buy her a pair of jimmy choos or manolo blahniks for her birthday present.
and she told me i was a cheapo and demanded that i was to buy her this huge list of stuff that includes some mazda sports car and a house by the beach.
ha ha. what the hell.
give her an inch, she take a foot.
very not good.
i feel very ready to marry.
i should get married now and not have to work again.
ugh, identity crisis.
):
every year, i suffer from it once.
it's very horrible.
i hate work.
i had to go through dusty files by the cartons and type their serial number in some place before they get shoved to some godforsaken warehouse and sit there till they are destroyed in 2012.
i have only one word to describe accounts.
it SUCKS.
finished the bloody thing, but i'm not about to tell them so soon because there is supposed to be a neverending stream of things to do in accounts, and that may be so, but i don't want to do neverending work with all those nasty figures.
numbers are not my kinda thing.
okay, where is my mom?
she left me alone in the office today and left for lunch with her friend at like, 1230.
and she wouldnt let me leave because the official lunch time is 1.
>:(
my mother is so horrible.
so i stayed in with no lunch and continued with those dusty cartons of files and wallowing in my pool of self-pity.
i feel so cheated.
my mom cheated me into this thing.
i said i wanted 1 month to beautify my CV, she gives me two months so she can gain from it.
then when i kaopeikaobu, she gave me all those beautiful lies, what i can give you days off when you want, you want to take half days some days also can, you follow me have long lunch, go office late, leave early.
I PUII LAH.
messing with my mind only.
first day of work, woke me up at 930.
today? 830 can.
then i want to slack off one day, she don't let.
half day also don't let la!
then today, worse.
don't even let me walk to funan to have a lonesome lunch when she was leaving.
wah lao eh.
>:(
okay, but nevermind.
who ask her is my mother right.
):
hee hee, i so managed to sound damn beng.
waa, cannot stand.
-laughs.
-
HA HA HA MY MOTHER FORGOT ABOUT MY BROTHER AND ONLY REMEMBERED ABOUT FETCHING HIM FROM TUITION AT 10 PLUS WHEN HIS TUITION ENDED AT 830.
omg, my mother is growing old.
yesterday, we went to carrefour and my mom forgot to bring her wallet, cash and multitude of credit cards and all.
and today, she forgot about her only son.
tomorrow, i hope she forgets to bring me to work.
(:
terrible tedious day.
closing files for the accounts department is even worse than proof-reading affidavits.
no, actually, i can't decide which is worse.
somehow, thinking of domyoji tsukasa helped me make it through the day.
my lord, i did not just say that.
i am such a sop.
fatal seductions by douglas lee really turns you off sex.
terrible, disgusting, cliched book.
i didn't like it at all.
that's what happens when you haphazardly pick a book of the shelf in a bookstore and pay for it even before you look properly at it.
desperate boredom makes me do stupid things.
somebody is criticizing the world around like she's forgotten what she's like.
haven't you heard?
point one finger at others, and three fingers point back at you.
double standard is so rampant, it's like the norm.
how sad.
i cannot believe i'm returning to CTC in about a month.
i'm just about starting to feel like myself again, i don't want to lose this feeling of being truly me.
it sucks that i didn't even know that i wasn't acting like me when i'm there.
it's only back here i realise what's me like again.
this is going to sound very egocentric, but i really like me.
i adore every single flaw that characterizes me.
and i don't want to lose me just because of bloody motherfucking UK.
i do pussy things there i would never even entertain here.
i tolerate things i never did.
i actually became like, placid.
okay no more, or i'll start having an identity crisis again.
charlotte is tellling me of a certain very weird individual.
i feel insightful.
ARGH WHY AM I SUDDENLY SIGNED OUT OF MESSENGER?!
my stats average at like, 20 hits a day.
that's very depressing.
it means that only about 20 people in this entire world care about me.
ugh, i should've gone to jc and known more people and make them interested in my sad little life.
i mean, 20 ayyy.
that's like reduced by more than half since last year.
everybody's grown up and gone to jc and have more friends and now nobody cares about me.
nobody loves me.
):
i'm about to throw a tantrum, i am.
mm, i just remembered my sad lamentation to clare last night about how i am NEVER going to get a guy like dao ming si.
know why?
it's cos i am not, and never will be like shancai.
i am like, the complete opposite from that kind of heroine persona.
and like, it's always those kinds of girls who gets the cool guy (ie, dao ming si)
and i wil never never never be like that.
i'll never be the good character, full of backbone, overflowing with moral fibre and moral courage (such as to stand up for a friend when cool rich cute guy from school everyone is frightened of is bloody pissed with her and being mean) kind of person.
like, i fully know what kind of horrible worm i am.
and i will never in my entire fucking life stand up for a loser when a cool guy is being horrible to her.
especially when i am a loser too, and it'll put my entire fucking existence at stake.
and standing up for loser lizhen was exactly what got dao ming si to know shancai in the first place, was it not?
and i was telling clare, not only are we never going to be the shancai kind, we are the complete exact opposite stereotype kind of people.
in meteor garden, we will be the qianhui and baihe.
in harry potter, we will be the parvati and lavender.
you get my point.
we are (or at least, i am) the typical sideline bitches.
we never get the man.
we just stay on the fucking sideline and bitch and make the main character look more full of moral goodness in comparison.
i am so depressed.
but i accept my sad fate because i know that i will never be the shancai kind.
and it's no point trying either, because it'll make me very miserable in the process, and since i am indisputedly a selfish cow, making myself sad is not a very good idea at all to me.
besides, people like dao ming si do not end up with people like qianhui.
such a travesty.
a very failed plot, if it were an idol drama.
okay, but clare doesn't think i am right.
because she agrees that we might be the sideline bitch kind, but that doesn't mean we don't get dao ming si.
she's having a pretty damned happy life now anyway.
and she sure doesn't want to change anything.
but anyway, i am still damn sad.
because i believe deeply in the latest of my collection of weird theories.
):
but this is some empty theory, because unlike my 'be a friendly good person and life becomes peachy' where i tried to be damn nice to people and like be damn hyper and make friends and smile all the time (and that failed too anyway, because after a few days, it put me in a foul and murderous mood and i wanted to kill all the new friends i made and then commit suicide), becoming a shancai person is completely unattainable.
it's easy to pretend friendliness,
it's not easy to pretend moral fibre.
oh and besides, i hate shancai.
so no biggie huh.
i prefer the comic shancai though.
she is less dense and more honest and more affectionate to dao ming si.
but okay, out of point.
anyway, i wrote a whole damn lot and actually it is all pointless, because i don't plan to do anything with my new theory and nobody gains from this either, which makes this entry just about as pointless as the last.
but nevermind, it killed my boredom for awhile and has therefore served its basic purpose.
i was going to start watching the anime but then i realised it has a different plot from the drama and the manga, so i don't think my tiny mind can take it, so i decided against it.
until later at least.
going back to seeing dao ming si.
goodbye.
god, i'd better get out of this lame habit of bidding goodbye.
ha ha ha.
-
i am a boring person.
i really am.
or else, why do i draw so much excitement from a comic series.
ha ha ha.
okay, pointless entry.
all i can think about is domyoji tsukasa.
talked to clare last night,
she is horrified.
her exact words being, "lee, two years ago, dao ming si. now, two years later, still dao ming si. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
okay, i have nothing else to say.
bye.
I AM DEPRESSED.
WHY THE ENDING TO THE COMIC SO WAHLAOEH SAD ONE?
okay, pardon my lian-ness.
but the ending was so ... ):
i mean, yes, we know it's all good and all that.
BUT I WOULD'VE REALLY LIKED TO HAVE AN ENDING WITH DMS AND SHANCAI ON THE SAME PAGE.
he left to newyork for 4 years.
and she didn't want to go with him!
what's this, what's this, what's this?
ta fucking ma de.
>:(
the comic and the show seems so different.
now, in my mind, dao ming si and domyoji tsukasa are two separate entities.
love 'em both though,
:D
i'm gonna gush like the niagara falls now
(: (: (:
okay, comic book dao ming si mama is waaaay cooler.
i like her.
she is damn cool.
evil like hell, but still immensely likeable.
not like the show one.
what a witch.
i kept wanting to kill her.
omfg, i like the comic so much!
even though it's in chinese and i had such a tough time reading it at first.
(speaking of which, i can now read them comics at an amazing speed, hee hee)
oh oh oh, and like, the kissing scenes are like .. waaaa so HOT!
i was like O_O !!!!
really, really.
can die.
-fan fan.
and i mailed phoon this entire mail like totally salivating over domyoji tsukasa and the kissing scenes.
and guess what,
HER SERVER CENSORED MY MAIL.
ha ha ha ha ha.
cannot take it.
everytime dao ming si comes into the picture, i get damn porn.
-giggles.
too bad, now phoon will never see all the funny things i said in the mail because i don't even remember what pornographic things i said about dao ming si.
HA HA HA.
it was a damn long mail though.
so ... hee hee, i must've been like damn what la.
:D
i'm going keeeraazeeeeee!
la la la.
GOD, I LOVE DAO MING SI!
okay, ignore me.
i'm just never gonna grow out of my dao ming si phase.
(:
-
my mom's letting me tag along to the prison tomorrow.
lovely.
perhaps my mom wants me to have a look at the place to deter me from a future of crime.
hee hee, seeing the fact that she thinks i'm mercenary and not very honourable,
(not to mention the fact that she still harbours suspicions that i worship satan)
that could jolly well be true.
wagged work today.
feels so good to be able to bum around the house doing nothing.
i continued with my chinese comics.
dao ming si is SO fuckable.
i want to die.
(:
listening to the never gone album now.
nice, nice.
my favourite will always be millenium, but this is still pretty good.
mm, i actually wonder what is with the obsession of treating spoilers like the plague.
i mean, i actually quite adore spoilers.
i like hearing about them, talking about them, discussing them.
i think it's all very exciting business.
what's with the shunning?
i just love finding out stuff beforehand.
adds to the pleasure when you actually find it out for yourself.
yes, i'm not one for suspense.
waiting like patience on a monument while the whole world is already in the know is not my cup of tea.
nope, it ain't.
been a damned busy day.
i feel all cross-eyed.
got a little obsessed with snipping away bits of wonky hair on my head, but have since realised that when one already does not have much hair as it is, it is not the best idea in the world to continue.
oh, clare has also been calling me at rather regular intervals today.
regular, that is, taking into consideration clare chan's propensity to disappear completely when she wants to.
i'm glad all is fine and dandy.
got myself a french manicure last night when i was out with charlotte.
as of this morning, i'd somehow managed to get scratches, dents and such on my tips.
it ain't fated, it ain't.
yay, i managed to wriggle out of pilates.
-
HE'S DEAD HE'S DEAD HE'S DEAD.
-wails.
i. am. devastated.
what is wrong with jkrowling, for christ's sake.
she's killing all my favourite men.
first sirius (AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OVER THAT ONE YET), now dumbledore.
you would've thought that of all characters, at least dumbledore would have survived, kept the hope up a bit.
but noooo, he had to die you know.
and worst still, under the slimy scummy hand of bleedin' severus snape.
BLOODY SNAPE, to think i'd trusted him all along and thought he wasn't all bad.
i'll kill him, i'll kill him, i'll kill him.
@#%$^&*!
RARRRRRRRRRRR!
how could dumbledore just die like that, from the freakin' abracadabrablahblahblah curse.
HOW?!
so anti-climax okay!
ONE MOMENT HE'S ALIVE AND THE NEXT SOME GREEN LIGHT AND HE'S DEAD?
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?
how can the great dumbledore just die like that for goodness sake.
i mean, why not kill off fudge or something?
i bet she's trying to create some impact thing.
but hello, IS SIRIUS'S DEATH NOT IMPACT ENOUGH?
and what a bloody stupid cliffhanger ending is that.
harry going all heroic and martyr-like and oh-i-have-to-deal-with-this-alone-because-i-am-a-big-macho-man.
I PUII LAH.
and who the fuck is R.A.B?!
okay, nevermind that.
i think it's sirius's brother. but i bet everyone thinks so too.
i mean, duh.
regulus black, no?
we just don't know his bloody middle name.
oh and for the record, i still don't understand why sirius had to die.
did i miss something?
someone smarter can jolly well explain it to me because i just don't have the slightest and i'm not reading the book anymore.
oh god, to think dumbledore died over a horcrux that was not.
what's the woman trying to prove?
i mean, couldn't he have died over something worthier?
that is, if his death was even necessary in the first place.
and sheesh, did he really have to break up with ginny?
oldest plot ploy in the book, and even ginny saw through that.
lousy idea, I DO NOT APPROVE.
okay, apologies for the excessive uppercase letters and exclamation marks, but i am just so ARGH!!!!!!!!
-huffs.
;
okay i know it's been many many days already, but i am still reeling from the news that xiao S is pregnant and getting married.
):
i am heartbroken, even.
i mean, THAT'S MY FEMALE EMBLEM OF FUNKY SINGLEHOOD WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!
):
i mean, it's cool and all.
but but but,
):
my sister is damn sad too.
we both love xiao S.
):
such a sad entry, this.
full of sad little faces.
you know right, since my funky single idol is like getting married, methinks i should just do the same and get married.
mm, i heard xiao S's fiance is quite good looking.
ha ha ha ha,
this just goes back to my main obsession.
i so want to get married laaaaaa.
):
okay, i know this is damn unnatural and all, but i feel like i'm in love.
(: (: (:
YES, hee hee.
i wake up everyday feeling damn good and floaty.
i think it's dao ming si.
because the only other time i felt so good and floaty was that time when i first watched meteor garden.
it's like, suddenly the world doesn't seem too evil.
!!!!
OH YES, and i forgot to say.
a few days ago when we all went out right,
and my sis and i got out of my mom's car to wait for her to like, park properly or something.
so we were standing by the pillar stoning.
then my brother walked up behind us and he went damn happily, " HEY, HOBBIT LAND!"
like, omfg.
my sister and i were so tickled we forgot to be insulted.
ha ha ha ha.
maaaan, i think shancai is such a bitch.
):
i prefer the show to the comic.
-
relieving my past by fanatically doing bsb and sweetvalley quizzes.
me ol' brains are still working, i am pleased to say.
i still remember brian's middle name,
how many tattoos AJ has,
and who was what character in the everybody backstreet's back vid.
ooh, and i still remember where the wakefield twins lived.
that is calico drive sweet valley southern california.
god, my memory amazes me.
oh then i deviated and did other quizzes.
i realised that i am not that huge a harry potter fan because i do not know how many staircases there are in hogwarts.
but sheesh, do these people really count?!
harry potter book 6 is coming out tomorrow.
i am so pleased.
this is the second post within the same afternoon.
i am the boredest human being alive.
-
ah, nobody is smsing me.
i feel so un-loved.
proof-reading affidavits is such deadening business.
i want to visit the supreme court again and look at trials and the people watching the trials.
it's amazing, the diversity of people watching the same trial.
i think only at the courts will you ever see a fat, unkempt woman in slippers sitting next to a taitai adorned in jewellery and a chanel handbag in harmony.
oh well, oh well.
i think allen&gledhill sounds damn good.
drew&napier also.
so impressive sounding.
next time, if i'm working here, i want to work in either one of those firms.
hee hee.
oh, but then, i also don't want to work in singapore because i don't want to pay tax to the government.
ha ha ha, nevermind, maybe i'll just marry someone working there.
-giggles.
mm, i feel so random now.
still reeling from the news that xiao S is really pregnant.
like wow.
(:
i'm still struggling with the chinese comics.
my sister cannot stand the lousy drawings.
in between volumes, once in a while, she will go to her qiang wei comics to seek respite.
i resolutely refuse to look at those comics because i want to stay faithful to dao ming si and i don't want to have to admit to myself that cartoon jin is cuter than cartoon dao ming si.
or worse, cartoon kui is prettier than cartoon shancai.
oh sick, the horror.
and for the record, i do not understand why the cartoon version of lizhen is supposed to be pretty.
i mean, yes there's the big eyes and all.
but hell, everybody's eyes are big there.
and shancai's eyes are actually bigger but people say she is ugly.
besides, what's with the poodle hair man?
oh yaaaa, and that day when i went to j's house i befriended j's friend who is in RJC.
so i can now proudly proclaim that i have a rafflesian friend.
tee hee hee.
:D
god, i am such a loser.
i must make more friends so that more people on this earth will care about my continued existence and they will read my blog to find out about this particular existence.
ie, my stats go up.
THAT'S ALL I ASK.
):
-
i am so exhausted.
and i am not merely giving my daily perfunctory whine.
I AM REALLY TIRED.
like, tired till my brain hurts trying to keep my eyelids open, that kind.
so poor thing right?
ha ha , okay anyway.
today was fine.
practically spent the whole day at the Supreme Court with my mom.
wanted to see the Huang Na case in the morning, but it was postponed to later in the day.
but no biggie, since our main purpose in going was for the Raffles Town Club appeal case.
in the morn, was pretty nondescript.
the guy was good, eloquent and all that.
but it was just that.
good.
in other words, i was bored out of my mind.
was going cross-eyed just trying to keep awake.
the only thing that interested me was heh heh .. -looks at clare.
and oh, in the between i daydreamed about the goegeous chanel sandals i saw on TV last night.
so then i was just comforting myself with, "aiya, you small kid, this kind of adult cheem stuff, of course you don't understand and like."
BUT, in the afternoon, i was proved wrong.
Senior Counsel Molly Lim (yes, allow me to illustrate my obvious bias towards the lady) was simply brilliant.
her argument was .. shall we say, scintillating.
and it was even bordering on humourous.
(which is rather impressive actually, seeing this is some high up case about breach of contract and misrepresentation and whatnot)
we the lay audience actually grinned and some even chuckled till the imposing man on the opposition said something rather disapproving.
for the entire duration of her speech, i was just entranced.
so engaging, i must say.
i am so impressed.
and that is also saying something, because i am rarely impressed.
my mother is now very pleased as she has a vested interest in the case.
and might i add that throughout the speech, you could see aye-aye nods all round, and my ever eager mother kept elbowing me in the ribs when some exciting point was made.
oh, and Lord Bingham was quoted.
needless to say, hearing a mention of some english law lord that i have most certainly heard of was fully exciting.
Lord Bingham of Balliol college, Oxford.
ooh (:
was a fine way to spend my day anyhow.
am also fully pleased because self am not so stupid as self first suspected.
YES, hello everybody!
Molly Lim is cool.
let us all worship the ground she walks on.
ho ho ho.
and my mom told me to document this somewhere, because as aforementioned, she is very pleased with the case.
she is also pretty darn pleased with Molly Lim, and she will now want me to give testament to the fact that it is not empty admiration she has for Molly Lim should my father want to nitpick at her again.
i just know so.
from now on, i have taken on a new role in my mother's eyes.
i shall have to corroborate with her whenever, now and forever.
ha ha ha ha.
oh, whatever.
true quality cannot be refuted.
okay, exhaustion acting up.
or like garfield aptly puts it, "NAP ATTACK!!"
zzz
:D
-
WHY IS EVERYBODY GOING OUT WHILE I AM LIKE IN THE OFFICE PROOFREADING AFFIDAVITS?!
i am so sad.
hee hee, i just sent a sms to j telling her that i want to make use of her and asking very politely if she will allow me to.
and ...
HO HO HO SHE AGREED.
man, sometimes, i just love j to itty bitty bits.
yay, now my mom will pick me up and i won't be alone and sad near cj.
but i am still going to be an intruder, ha ha, so i must behave myself.
okay, i need to go cj later.
yucks.
i hope there isn't any visitor signing in shit at the office in cj.
so do not want to bump into brother paul.
i dont care whether he remembers me or not, i just don't want to see that huge white lumbering thing again.
eeyer.
i think dao ming si is stupid and immature.
but i still adore him anyway.
it must be love.
:D
-
allow me to lament very sadly that i am not and never will be deep and profound.
that is to say, smart.
alas, the phrase that says what you don't have in your character, you make up in your name rings true.
now then, imagine how unfortunate i am to have only one chinese character for a name, and that very chracter means to be deep and profound.
am i forever to be doomed to be shallow and superficial?
oh, the pain this puts me through.
i really believe that there is no other being on earth as unfortunate as me.
i am the biggest loser in the genetic lottery.
my life will never be complete.
i am never going to be the person i want to be.
i am staganted in this state of mind and i am unable to get out of it.
and the worse thing of it?
everything i say is i, and i and i.
my whole world revolves around myself, and all my thoughts concern me and me only.
every moment of the day, all i think about is me.
all i talk about is me.
it's like some unnatural, morbid self-love.
i am so wrapped up in myself that i am unable to see the big important things in life.
and SEE, even when i am getting myself utterly miserable over my self obsession, the word 'i' just keeps appearing.
there is no 'you' or 'us' or 'we' in my life.
there is only 'i' and 'me'.
that is why i am never going to rise above into a higher state of mind and being.
argh, why is it that it still all boils down to me?!
i am like, regina george.
in the truest, ugliest sense.
minus the two fendi bags and the silver lexus.
UGH, KILL ME.
-
i feel like absolute hell.
really do think i'm coming down with something.
charlotte is not making things better by being a sluggish sms correspondent.
why is it so cold here?
i feel like death itself.
ah.
queensway yesterday was quite nice.
got vans and fbts.
very pleased.
didn't get more stuff because self really does detest shopping (yes, i am unnatural. so shoot me) and after my triumphant purchase of the lovely vans, mind started to freeze over and could no longer concentrate on making another purchase.
fbts were thanks to my sister whose tenacity is admirable.
she doggedly and determinedly scoured every shop in the building till she found the fbts.
and then i simply made my orders, because afterall, who can resist fbts?
ugh, i feel ill.
j that lucky cow is bored with her life.
i want to be bored with my life too.
that is not to say i am not bored now.
but i just want to be bored in another way.
oh my lord, i just thought of wednesday and pilates.
shit shit shit.
my mother was very unsympathetic when i told her of the pain it caused me.
her actual words were, "good, good."
i have this niggling suspicion that my mother is part of the old school of thought where people thought that pain was good because it builds character.
in today's world, it's all about love and comfort.
like how the old testament was based on fear, but the new testament was based on love.
no wonder everyone prays to jesus.
okay, out of point.
whatever it is, i firmly believe that i have far too much character already anyway.
hence, i really could do without pilates.
oh yes, i am feeling so empty now because i am done with watching meteor garden.
i love dao ming si.
he is so adorable.
but this time when i was watching meteor garden, i also kept noticing how bloody angelic that vic zhou looks when he smiles.
i think i didn't notice last time because i was convinced that he was an autistic, poster-kissing, crazy theory spouting (standing upside down so you can't cry, anyone?) oddball.
but after watching mars, i am more inclined to see his positive assets now.
ha ha, i just realised that everytime i start on meteor garden, i can't stop and i ramble on till i look at what i write and i want to die because i am such a teenybopper and that is very sad because i am soon to become 17, not 14.
but whatever, i will indulge my whims and buy the hana yori dango comics and watch the anime which i once started to watch but gave up because it was in japanese and my brain couldn't process the chinese subtitles fast enough to follow the dialogue coherently.
this time, i will perservere.
-yawns.
i am so tired.
urgh, i want to get married now.
i don't want to study or work or anything.
i just want to like, fall in love, marry the man, stay home and make babies, thank you very much.
of course, i do not currently possess the energy nor interest for falling in love.
nor do i want to be landed with the terminal illness known as motherhood.
but that is beside the point.
the point is that i don't want to study anymore, and what better way to do than to land a rich man and rely on him like the anti-feminist, backbone-less woman i am.
please, if you are rich and a man, propose to me.
i am worn out.
goodbye.
-
hilary duff is going to Harvard University
i am devastated.
(i am a Lindsay Lohan fan)
bri's has left.
oh, the shame ):
when shall we meet again; in thunder, lightning or in rain?
(ho ho)
okay, i am so bored.
the weather is screwed and i feel very sad and cloistered.
i was pretty damn sure i saw charlotte come online.
so where is she now?
hmm.
i am going to Queensway later to shop for cheap shoes because i am impoverished and i cannot afford to go to a proper retailer at Orchard Road.
besides, i am also singaporean and in a bid to become more singaporean, i shall go bargain-hunting.
oh, the joys of buying cheap goods!
ha ha ha, i shall hone my skill and one day i will be seen by my peers in a wet market quibbling with the vegetable seller to sell me to broccoli for 35 cents because old Mr Wang at the other end of the market sells it for 40 cents.
ha ha ha ha.
god, i scare myself.
sister has just informed me of a new house rule.
we are not going to have lunch because we had breakfast.
whaaaaat is this man?
ha ha.
okay, why do some people persist in signing in and out repeatedly?
i mean, annoying not?
grrr.
and hello, if your computer has a problem and you have no money to get the screw up fixed, then for christ's sake, STOP COMING ONLINE.
gawwwd.
some people just don't know when to stop.
i'm becoming very worked up because of the bloody weather and i am getting hot and bothered.
allow me also to bring to your attention this particularly pathetic specie who are bloody tacky and annoying but happen to think they are so cool.
going around wearing terrible makeup thinking that it makes them so pretty when all the makeup accomplishes is to make the face look like it's been adorned by birdshit.
flitting from place to place shrieking like a banshee, thinking they are the epitome of cool when all they do is to make utter fools of themselves.
bloody unicellular bacterium.
i swear, millions of years ago when evolution occurred, these flakes were left behind.
my sister is a hypocrite.
she sees the above paragraph, dedicates a good 10 minutes of cackling wickedly before she composes herself, puts on a saintly nun face and tells me this," I cannot laugh at people because i must uphold our school's mission (inhales dramatically) ... a special awareness of the viewpoint of the disadvantaged."
-chokes.
please tell me she is not going to surpass me in bitchiness someday for she is showing signs of usurping my throne.
mm, i like vitagen, the healthier probiotics drinks.
(:
know what, i suddenly feel full of the milk of human kindness.
the good a little bit of bitching can do.
ARGH THE PERSON IS DOING IT AGAIN.
LIKE, TRASH YOUR COMPUTER ALREADY.
my brother is a retard.
he just crowed like a chicken because my sister told him to wake my mother up.
what a clown.
my brother says, "YAY, i am GAY!"
-
am currently recuperating from the extremely recent sojourn with the photocopying machine.
was on the brink of hysteria, i swear.
this close to having a nervous breakdown.
like, i had to copy 4 copies of a 105 page thingy for like, the judge or something.
that's 105 times 4 of paper printed on a single side!
urk, just the thought of it makes me ill.
i mean, i have never really cared much for the wellness of the environment, but seriously.
this is a bit much, isn't it?
like, how many trees had to die for this office?
arrrrrgh.
and so, with that thought, i got obsessive, and i started feeling choked and sad.
and as each page of the file was printed over and over again, my heart just got stabbed over and over again, and i was going to die of grief.
so i thought to take a deep breath to calm myself.
instead, as i looked around the office, all i saw was papers, and more papers EVERYWHERE.
THIS OFFICE IS LIKE A TREE CEMETARY.
all that paper so carelessly and flippantly used.
printed on one side only.
oh, the shame.
and this isn't even a big office.
and this is only one office.
imagine just how many forests had to be exterminated for the dratted law profession.
talk about bringing justice.
how ironic.
-spits.
oooo, i still feel woozy from my exertions.
wasting paper makes me sick and nauseous.
hmm, or maybe it's just indigestion.
(but i will not admit it even if so because i want everyone to think that i am a fervent environment protector)
speaking of which, had lunch with yiyang and her mom.
lovely, it was.
as yoda would say.
the mango pudding was nice.
okay, i am still giddy.
i'm still pretty damn sure it's because of the gross paper wastage in this office.
refute me and i shall scratch you.
my nails are long and lethal, even though i am convinced the nail on my right index is going to break soon.
oh, but i digress.
will be meeting charlotte later, and then bri.
bri's leaving.
awh ):
and we still haven't gone to the night safari.
am right down in love with dao ming si again.
somehow, don't think he is that cute (as in exterior) anymore.
(but that is jerry yen's fault, not his)
but still think he is very very damn cute (as in interior).
and the people in charge of his wardrobe ought to be shot.
just look at the hideous number dao ming si made his first appearance in.
it was like, goodnessgraciousmotherofgod, that is so fucking ugly.
the only cool thing in that scene was the silver convertible.
and that is very damn sad because dao ming si is supposed to be the cutest, coolest thing in all of creation.
he is also my current desired mating partner of choice.
i so want to marry him.
and i promise that once i do, i will shoot the wardrobe person till he/she resembles a chunk of cheese.
rarrr!
okay, i want to go home and watch meteor garden.
i have to limit myself to 1 vcd a day because of work.
how very sad and pathetic is that.
i want to skive from work soon.
(:
and i will.
soon.
-
just done with typing some affidavit.
ahh, i am bored with offices and the civilisation of it all.
i know the quietness and aircon is exactly what i like, but sheesh, overdose not?!
and now i am waiting silently for my mom's colleague to come to dictate somemore stuff of the other affidavit charlotte did yesterday.
charlotte should be here.
she takes to work like a fish takes to water, i swear.
my mom just adores charlotte.
she keeps telling me that i should be more driven like charlotte.
it's funny.
ah, i shall have loads to do later.
urk ):
like charlotte says, dicky is a lot more trouble than he's worth.
to me at least.
to my mom'scompany, he's probably worth quite a sum, but that sum ain't coming to me is it?
-grumbles.
so anyways, i had pilates yesterday.
oh yes har har har.
laugh all you want, i don't think it's funny charlotte tan.
(oh hey, that rhymes!)
anyway, i dont know why my mother didn't choose yoga to force me into.
i mean, yoga is to relax you.
pilates is so stressful.
yesterday, i almost expired in the class.
and it was only the breathing excercises.
so hard to understand too.
tell me, what the heck is push your shoulder blades down and lengthen your spine and extend your neck?!
and then he told us to lift our legs using the third and fourth quadrant.
it hurt, i tell you. IT HURT!
and that gay was so brilliantly happy and went, "ah! you're trembling now aren't you?"
by then, i wasn't even trembling, I WAS SPASMING.
i was shaking like i'd just seen the ghost of christmas past.
trembling, eh.
GAWWWD.
-rolls eyes.
pilates is a killer, it's not for mentally and physically unfit people like me.
ooh, phoon is called me and we were just discussing very happily about random things when my mom ordered me to type out some matrimonial thing for her.
hai, so i sadly put down the phone, and got round to work.
my mother's secretary (the typical doe-eyed waif) is missing.
now i doubled as my mother's slave too.
oh, my mother is so evil.
she treats the girl like a maid.
she was just happily waxing lyrical to me about her treating poor elyse as an indonesian maid.
then there's that thing about making her change her name to elyse because my mom abhors and does not want to utter the vile name (in my mother's opinion) karen.
is it any wonder i am so horrible.
like mother, like daughter.
here in this office, it is my mother's galaxy.
and in my mother's galaxy, she is the emperor.
and everything goes her way.
may the force be with her.
(cue for darth vader theme song to sound)
hee hee, my mom is such a diva.
:D
IT'S 1, LUNCH TIME.
HO HO HO.
-
first day of work.
ARGH ):
i don't like work.
i don't want to work.
thank bleedin' god for charlotte who accompanied me today.
urk, i still don't like the thought of work.
i want to stay home and slack, rot away and the works, you know?
i want to lie so long on the sofa that i germinate.
i want to channel surf till i'm cock-eyed.
i want to loiter from one end of my house to another and whine that i have nothing to do, read all my books and whine that i am bored, go online and blog that i am rotting away in sadness and wail that i am the boringest, saddest human being alive.
THATS WHAT I WANT TO DO.
i am so sulking away now.
grrrrrrrrr.
i don't want to work laaaaaaaaaaa.
hee hee, i'm damn distracted now because meteor garden is playing on my VCR now.
my lord, i am so taken by daomingsi.
yes, even now.
after like, 3 years.
so cute, so cute, so cute.
eeyer, his mother is such a witch.
i want to kill her.
HE IS SO CUTE!
:D
-giggles.
aye, i still have to get up early tomorrow.
i am desolated.
phoon called me today.
i am pleased with her because she has made herself very useful and she called me.
lovely girl.
her mom's still at it, always yelling at her.
ah, nostalgia.
(:
hee hee, so sweet.
i love daomingsi.
i am so not making sense now.
sha la la la.
-
was a wasted day today.
went for milkrun with sister, brother and charlotte.
what a fat bitch of a day.
was so hot, and the performance place was like .. hot.
urk.
saw two bands play.
not bad, but god, any louder and i'd have gone deaf.
i admit, i was being a cranky old dame with fingers stuffed in my ears because the music was too loud.
oh, can i get any more auntie?
-giggles.
then i couldn't take the heat anymore and i dragged charlotte to copthorne orchid to seek refuge.
ah, the pleasure of being in aircon and sitting on a sofa.
then my brother the slacker walked up and he decided to pon the whole thing and the three of us walked to great world city for lunch.
became tired and lethargic and sluggish.
and then we cancelled plans for night safari because it ain't cool when only two people are going.
so sad.
anyway, charlotte was regaling me with interesting blogs to read.
of them were kim wakerman's.
yes, not the first time i've seen her blog.
my lord, when i read her blog more than half a year before, i wanted to strangle her.
now, i want to slaughter her.
can anyone be anymore bloody annoying?
oh and then charlotte told me to read this suxue.blogspot.com
it's written by an effectively bilingual chinese teacher from china.
and i'll be goddamned.
that's some effective bilingualism.
I ADORE HER.
i do, i do!
was telling charlotte that if she were our chinese teacher, i might've been more manageable in class than i was with peanut.
then charlotte raised the query that what if suxue was peanut?
raised my hackles, that did.
but we shot that idea down.
it's an all boys' school she teaches.
and we wonder which.
full of bastardy little fuckers.
and their chinese sucks.
mmm ..
-conspiratorial look
all who are intelligent will understand the insinuation.
which other school will contain a large percentage of cocky, rude little buggers who have a deplorable practical knowledge of the chinese language?
which other school indeed.
okay, my suxue praising has turned into another outlet for my pet peeve bashing.
that school just hops on my nerves.
to the very few who read my sacred words (ho ho!)
please go to suxue's.
her command of the language will put many singaporeans to shame.
adding to that is her, as charlotte says, "wicked sense of humour", which is nicely "subtle" too.
i am praising a chinese (in all sense of the word) teacher to high heavens.
where is the world coming too?
ha ha ha.
okay, shit my msn just shutdown.
lousy cretin.
someone should remind me never to click on the links on msn
really fucks up the system.
-
jubilate was okay.
ld was the highlight of the evening.
duh.
finally a performance that doesn't reek of roger jenkins.
i talk like i know a lot.
heh, i don't.
felt damn good sitting with charlotte and bitching about some of the weirdos on stage.
i feel like me again.
choir was ..... ho ho ho.
pssssssssst!
HA HA HA HA.
i am amusing myself.
i am going to laugh everytime i see j now.
:D
my feet is screwed now ):
bloody heels.
i am officially handicapped.
so am cooped up at home and being very loserly.
clare is supposed to send me pictures, but she hasnt yet.
lying rat.
ha ha.
bri brought chocolate popcorn.
WOW DAMN GOOD.
i want to go to aussie now to eat popcorn.
hee hee.
oh i so cannot wait to go to the night safari.
charlotte and bri better be going and not play me out again.
(:
-
