Saturday, July 29, 2006
Dear diary, my teen-angst bullshit now has a bodycount.have found out to utter disgust that bloodtype is B.
according to the korean/japanese, this means i am a people person and i like to be touched.
goodness.
i don't think i believe in bloodtype analysis now.
my mother is obsessed with korean shows.
all the crazy crying sprees and love triangles.
i do not understand the attraction.
ohmygod, losers in the house!
(said in supremely caustic tone)
what i never quite understood were the types of teenagers who with their peers presented the perfect, unblemished image.
and yet, they were the ones who were basically fucked up.
you think it's so cool?
well guess what, young 'un.
you've got lots to learn.
Ant reminded me yesterday that the results are out in three weeks.
am in accelerated panic fit now.
and maybe,
i won't blog again.
cheers.
and on a completely random note;
you, i still love.
(:
Friday, July 28, 2006
and you,
you are perfection.
(:
it's that time of the year again.
the identity crisis time.
which makes me want to stay hidden under my blanket till my head sorts itself out again.
and i'm only blogging because that last post is such an eyesore.
it's not about being a better person (we all know that doesn't work)
it's just... it.
sucks how suddenly you realise that what you always wanted isn't really what you want anymore.
sucks growing up.
and have decided that exercise is truly for losers, peasants, plebeians.
it is bad for my health, that's for sure.
all hale and hearty back from the UK determined to be healthier.
joined the gym, had a workout.
fell tremendously ill the next day.
followed by 3 weeks of sinus problems, sneezing, coughing and constant asthma attacks.
chest was so constricted even with massive dosages of salbutamol and nearly half-hourly usage of glaxowelcome inhaler that truly thought was gonna do a Teresa Teng and die in the middle of the night.
one day, i woke up and realised that i was gasping for breath.
and such was the constriction in my windpipes that when tried to take deeper breath than the beyond shallow breaths was taking, became overcome with coughing fit whereby spent nearing 10 mins spasming on bed before could calm down enough to walk to mother's bedroom and ask,"Mom, is it possible for someone to die in their sleep from an asthma attack?"
my mother's vehement reply alarmed me, to put it lightly.
thankfully that passed after the nagging illness climaxed with a great bout of flu and fever.
recuperated through the weekend and just as when was almost fully recovered, was attacked with massive bleeding from the south- which wouldn't bother me much normally except i have contracted J's horrible propensity to be physically incapacitated from stomach cramps.
one night, i was plagued with such gut wrenching pain i almost committed suicide.
but i compromised by gulping down all the fast acting painkillers available in my medicine basket.
then for no reason, my gums on the right side of my jaw swelled to a size that i couldn't even shut my mouth properly.
that has since gone down, though it is still of an abnormal size and tenderness.
but with that going down has led to the swelling of my lymph nodes on the same side.
and my sister was convinced last night that i have mumps, but i do not think so.
whatever it is, it looks like a tumour and it hurts when i talk.
inexplicably, i have also pulled all my muscles on my upper left back and it releases random stabbing pains that reach even my fingers.
and my hair is super ugly.
me and exercise, we don't mix.
and besides, i lose more weight not doing anything.
pah.
incidentally, am in love.
but that indirectly led to identity crisis #4576,
so boogles to that too.
(no, i don't mean it. i'm just grouchy now)
my brother is turning into a typical teenager.
i cannot even bear to discuss it.
i need to find out what my bloodtype is.
omg, office bitch alert.
actually, not so much office bitch as cannot make it minah with an attitude problem.
because you know, office bitch brings to mind manipulative status climbing overachiever (who i definitely wouldn't mind because i like people like that. and besides, this hypothetical entity would be nice to me because i am the boss' daughter ha ha)
this stupid minah with issues is one of my mother's secretaries.
tch.
and please, what kind of a name is Nani?
like, MAID FROM SUMATRAN FOREST, NOT?!
damned brown rat, randomly delegating all these jobs to me
that my mother gave her.
like, excuse me please, do i look like your fucking under-secretary?
and my mother is paying you to do her goddamn work, so fucking DO HER GODDAMN WORK BITCH.
AND she was all attituding me for some stupid writ of summons thing (which, might i reiterate, she was supposed to do in the first place)
which was actually cool cos' i don't really care.
then she started going all self righteous, talking down to me and worst, using my name indiscriminately with that fucking condescending tone.
not even my teachers in StNicks have ever used that tone on me, and trust me, i got into trouble loads.
i really lost it.
but you know what!
i didn't hurl abuses at her, or even do anything i would do if similarly provoked because i was thinking that it was my mom's office and i cannot embarrass my mom with my usual offensive stance in front of all her staff (ya, wah lao i cannot believe what a sensible daughter i am)
so i kept quiet.
OMG I KNOW, I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT TOO.
but then she just couldn't go away and do her fucking job.
noooo, she just kept on yabbering and pissing me off so badly.
and there was some format shit which she wanted for it, but i totally had no idea what the hell that was.
i mean, i bloody detest computers and i cannot even make a microsoft powerpoint and you want me to do all these format shit (which you were supposed to do in the first place hello) ? Go To Hell.
so i was like,"what's this. i don't know how to do." in as controlled a voice as i could make.
and she was like,"it's _________ (whatever you know, i still have no idea what it is and i refuse to make an effort to remember). don't you know what it is? it's this. in writer you have __, __ and ____ and _______ is one of them."
i refused to understand because she was irritating me with her holier-than-thou tone of fucking voice.
so she had no choice but to do it herself (and what the hell la, it was one fucking paragraph that didn't have the same spacing between the lines as the rest and if she had done the whole goddamn thing, not proof reading what she flagrantly delegated me to do, she wouldn't even fucking care. has my mom not bitched a million times about her bloody slip shod work? gawd.)
so she was meddling with it.
and taking so long that i was going cross-eyed looking at her impotent efforts on the screen.
5mins, and she still couldn't get it straight.
so you know what she did?
let go of the fucking mouse and said in this superior voice, " I don't know la, you just have to figure it out yourself."
and made to leave.
the hell with you.
who died and made you the boss of me?
couldn't take it, so raised my voice and went into a slight tirade.
(but you know, still very docile compared to the usual)
and she started doing it again and finally got it right, all the time talking in that tone saying what," you don't have to get so excited." and all that ridiculous shit.
like, hey bitch, ben xiao jie give you a lot of face already so stop bloody hopping on my nerves.
OH. and she tried to give me this letter to type that my mom drafted for her to type out.
and incidentally, it was to CTC.
which, i had already sent an email two weeks ago and what she gave me was what i'd done and given back to my mom because my mom wanted the cheque exchanged.
and she was supposed to have sent that goddamn cheque two weeks ago, but she obviously didn't.
she didn't even know what she was supposed to do with the whole thing and she wanted me to do it.
but after my outburst, she took it back.
and i didn't bother to tell her what to do.
fuck you man.
and you know what's the worst thing?
i didn't tell my mom.
and i don't plan to.
if not, it'll be like i'm taking advantage of my mom being boss of them all.
so i had to contend with calling my sister and bitching all the way home on the MRT (while my mom took a cab to meet her friend for some case. brilliant end to a brilliant day)
i like my sister.
she made me feel a lot happier because she said that what i cannot do now because of social... obligations, she will do when she drops by the office.
of course, she is a pussy also, so it might not happen.
but it's the thought that counts.
and me, i'll... you know, suffer in silence.
...
whatever.
this chivalry business is tiring me.
and it pisses me off.
next time she pulls that stunt on me again, imma bitchslap her so bad she'll wish she was never born.
i declare today a lousy day.
overslept and vaguely fantasized about oversleeping more so that can completely skip work.
however, am now responsible adult (ha ha!) with conscience.
hence, dragged self out of bed cursing self for being such a sanctimonious bitch.
and so here i am at the office again.
gah.
my antibiotics leave a horrible after taste.
i am constantly being reminded of the terracotta museum in China.
which is not good. at all.
and i think i was supposed to cut my hair today.
but i don't know how that is going to happen.
plus i need to tan.
and am annoyed because Clare is the blackest thing on earth and i'd somehow always thought Australia and the UK were the same.
SO WHAT'S HAPPENING?
WHY DO I LOOK LIKE THE BLOODY GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST?!
i need to tan.
and i don't know how to write the stupid letter!
explaining what a Notice of Status Conference is beyond me.
like, mister, i am just as clueless as you are.
:
my mother is daoing my sms.
how to write the letter, you tell me!
okay, excessive usage of hyperbolic punctuation.
forget it, i should just go check the grammar of the draft thingy.
at least do something that i can do (which the people here amazingly cannot- that is, write properly)
but first, i must find out the difference between "I shall" and "I will".
is there a difference?
because i was kept awake pondering it the whole of last night.
in what instance do you use either?
chew on it.
:D
omfg! YangGuo was born in the year 1224 which effectively makes him 764 years older than me.
that's some age gap.
but then again you know, i've always preferred older men.
(:
watching YangGuo and XiaoLongNu reunite after 16 years and seeing her like, rest her head on his beautiful shoulders with such absolute trust made me think dolefully-
i want a man.
):
i think YangGuo has made me seen the better side of such nonsense.
males suddenly don't seem that vile.
but then again, most males are not YangGuo.
so i think these kind feelings towards the opposite sex aren't going to last.
dammit, YangGuo is so...!!!
why can't men nowadays be like YangGuo?
like all manly and cool and strong and... you know, good at wielding a sword and killing bad people.
males nowadays are so useless.
everyday go shopping, go facial, do their hair.
what the hell, might as well turn lesbian right.
grumbles.
ha ha ha.
Charlotte told me something funny today.
"neh mind."
:D
Bri's hair is crazy orange.
too cool for school.
(and indeed it was truly, for we were kicked out of school the moment Mrs Cheong saw Bri's hair)
and polaroid cameras are da bomb!
i am going to get one.
they make any ugly random photo look somehow artsy and cool.
am listening to the Condor Heroes theme song and melting over memories of YangGuo's beautiful nose.
a random recollection of an incident two months ago on 403:
said me,"Do you read my blog?"
said him,"(deliberately, and poorly done ignorant look) No, why? Is there something i should see?"
said me,"(cheerfully) Yeah, maybe. Random question."
said him,"No, I don't read you blog. Maybe I'll go see. (false happiness)"
said me,"Okay, Bye!"
he leaves.
Max,"(flatly) He's lying."
said me,"I know."
"I know for sure he reads my blog, I was just testing him."
Max,"For what? He sucks at acting la!"
said me,"For fun, just to see how he reacts."
evil, disdainful smiles all round.
aha! Max, remember?
(:
sometimes it makes me laugh,
sometimes, it just irritates me.
so transparent.
and speaking of which, better return Max's ipod to him soon.
it's been with me so long that any longer, i'll start to believe it's mine.
ha ha ha, maybe if i keep it long enough, even Max will start to believe it's actually mine and i get to keep it.
:D
i want to go Harvard.
last night, i couldn't sleep again.
so instead of reading Jane Eyre, i decided to watch Pretty Woman.
i <3 Richard Gere.
but the main point of this is that my house is haunted.
):
yeah.
it was 2:30am, in the middle of my show.
was obviously drooling over Edward Lewis because he has so much money and... the piano scene! ahh.
then the footsteps started.
and i thought it was my mom, so i turned around.
nothing there, nope. nada.
and the footsteps stopped.
so whatever, back to Richard/Edward.
5mins later, footsteps again.
and also not to mention the quintessential feelings of movement from the corner of my eye.
kept thinking there was someone there, you know?
so was like, eh wahlao, what's this la?
so i look back again, thinking maybe it's my maid being very ghostly is all.
but i don't see anything.
sly lick of panic somewhere around my chest area, but still more into Richard (and who ever knew Julia Roberts' body was so nice?!)
the footsteps don't sound for another 10 mins.
and when they do again, i was determined not to immediately turn around because the sounds so far had been fleeting and perhaps were a figment of my imagination.
BUT THIS TIME THEY WENT ON FOR A PROLONGED PERIOD.
like, seriously, it was completely the sound of someone walking along the long walkway where my mom places her paintings leading to the bedrooms.
was completely @#$%^&*!
turned around again.
nothing.
so everytime i turn around the footsteps stop right.
and i was all like, complicated because i was irritated, a bit scared, but mostly just dying over Richard.
so went back to watching.
then footsteps.
forced self not to bother at all.
and the clincher came.
creaks on the chairs like someone was sitting on it.
):
my house is haunted, i tell you.
must be that idiot... thing from the study who has decided to venture out into the rest of the house.
by and by, i did manage to not completely freak out.
besides, if it were that lousy creature from the study, it can hardly be malevolent seeing everyone in my immediate family is still alive.
so i continued watching my show till the end (So Sweet!)
incidentally, the show ended at 3:00AM, which before wouldn't have bothered me since it is the time of the night/morning i often find myself awake suddenly from my slumber since as long as i remember.
except since i watched Emily Rose, the implications of such a time has drastically changed.
before, it was just waking up at the same time (and 3 also happens to be my favourite number) all the time, which i thought was pretty cool.
now, it is the time of the devil or whatever.
which is not cool.
and then i pretended that the creaking and footsteps didn't bother me and made a big show of sauntering and sashaying throughout the whole house switching off all the electrical appliances i turned on earlier on (irritating habit of mine at night- i develop itchy fingers)
and walked in the dark to my room.
i know it is stupid and immature, but i really had to do that to spite the thingy and show it that it didn't scare me (even though it kinda did)
ha ha ha.
whatever it is, i still think i have balls.
big, iron balls.
:D
read Jane Eyre till 4 or 5.
instantly liked Mr. Rochester because his first name is Edward, of which i am now nursing a soft spot for. (the name, i mean)
one complaint being, there is too much goddamn french in the book.
chunks after chunks of french, of which the author does not even kindly provide a perfunctory translation for.
think am getting slightly dyslexic.
saw the word 'sprain' in the book as 'aspirin'.
still absolutely exhausted.
i have to think of some way to get out of having to work all through my summer.
the waves of injustice that i have to work immediately after slogging like a mad cow for the Alevels just kills me.
think am coming down with something anyway, so if nothing, will still wheedle out one or two days to collapse at home.
see the pathetic being i have become.
):
Jos is in some kinda shit which i as yet do not understand.
(i don't even think she really cares, she's just being melodramatic, riiiight Jos? ha ha)
will you believe there is some fiasco out there regarding the putting down of Hilary which has nothing to do with me?
allow me to emphasize how left out i am now merely because of the geographical disparity between me and the other two.
not even a part of cussing Hilary!
what is the world coming to?
god, it is cold here.
been shivering and tremoring since the morning.
yes, am definitely coming down with something.
i need a break.
cannot believe i slaved for a whole month (not to mention the month before that where i was drowning myself in Accounting AS past papers) for this.
THIS.
i just want to stay home, re-read The Prodigal Daughter, read The Bell Jar.
and watch Return of The Condor Heroes to see beautiful YangGuo.
):
wei shen me wo de ming zhe me ku?
Jos, i miss randomly calling you out for italian desserts.
in a way, i miss the UK because there, i am the boss of me.
here, my mom is the boss of me.
and such a cunning one at that, for without doing anything, she makes me feel obliged to do whatever she wants.
i cannot believe someone as evil as me is being manipulated by someone as... benign as my mother.
ARGH.
woe betide me.
Harvard ones, come back fast.
to the Harvard bitches: EH BITCHES I FEEL SO LEFT OUT! ): you want to put some pictures up so i at least understand what you both are talking about and who the hell Josephe and Nicola are (or rather, how they look like, because i'm not really interested in who they are)? HUH.
-grumbles.
to the TanXJ: what talking you la? am in SGP, yes.
to the Phoonty: your prom date sounds like a fat pussy. might i ask why he is still your date? AND i really want to go over! but i totally have no idea where to buy air tickets. ideas? ):
okay, i read that Harvard has a lot of rich bitches who look good and are damn smart.
i am jealous too.
gymming is really... ugh.
but for the sake of the money spent, i will persevere.
and i've changed my mind about younger men!
i want YangGuo instead (:
yes, i mean the one that had his left arm hacked off by an irritating rich bitch and has a love affair with his kungfu teacher who he calls 'auntie'.
damn! he is hot.
but he just married XiaoLongNu last night and he calls her Long'er now instead of GuGu (<-- that looks wrong) and i am sad because Long'er just doesn't sound as... cool.
i like YangGuo.
LouisKoo is such a hot YangGuo.
but i want to watch the singapore version too.
that YangGuo was not bad too.
and the comic book one also damn hot.
(his face, i mean. body such a turnoff- all that muscle. bloody comicbook artist)
why is it that so many couples have an older female and younger male?
what is the world coming to?
):
i am still jetlagged and very grumpy.
and my comp is dead!
waaaaa, i think XiaoLongNu very cool!
she always just flutters into a fight scene and waves her long white ribbons around and the next thing you know, everybody's flat on the ground!
cool right, cool right!
all she does is dance around prettily, swaying to and fro and she beats all the bad guys.
and she throws needles!
oh man, i also want poison needles.
i am raving.
ay, there's this one thing i don't understand.
why are people so nice and how do they do it?
as in, how?
it never occurs to me how people can have so much EQ, making food for other people and sharing it, and everybody thinks what a lovely person this girl is.
it makes me uncomfortable just even thinking of myself doing that.
i think it's such an admirable thing though, being so... likeable.
oh gah GAHH.
the case is really on Restraint of Trade
):
now have to look through all those law textbooks like Chitty or Treitel or Cheshire, Fifoot.
Mr Norman always mentioned them in his notes, but seeing them in real life is too much for my little heart to bear.
i don't want to take law already la.
shit, should have brought back all my contract notes man.
all so comprehensive and understandable.
those textbooks scare me.
):
i don't like Restraint la.
SANNY!!!!
i know you studied Restraint for the exam, come singapore and help me now!
):
dammit, why isn't the case on Undue Influence?
totally a master at it.
don't even need to look into the notes.
grarr.
):
don't want to work la
stress.
i will blog a long post because i feel like it.
ha ha ha.
first up, i am very goddamned irritated at people reading my blog.
like, if i don't know you or i don't like you, please just bugger off.
and i know for a fact that you read my blog.
you might've acted like you didn't.
but let me tell you, you cannot lie.
so please don't try.
you know you read my blog,
and i know you read my blog.
like, seriously,
gawd.
Hilary and her little followers read my blog.
all of them little shits.
go borrow a life to lead and stay out of mine.
if you really want to hear me insulting you, why not come face to face and i'll be jolly happy to start off.
and if you get all pissy hearing me cuss upfront, then why read my blog for more abuse?
WHY.
losers never make sense.
i am PMS-y.
must be the weather.
but ooh, Anthony Tan is v nice.
:D
he accompanied me to the airport and took care of my excess luggage for me.
and Sanny helped me pack (actually, she packed, i stood there and whined)
isn't it lovely how i am such a horrible person and yet still have such nice friends?
(:
lucky girl is me.
i watched I Not Stupid Too on the plane.
i cannot believe how much the kids have grown!
Joshua Ang still damn hot.
and the Shawn boy's gotten pretty hot too even though he still looks like a sparrow.
ah ha ha ha, i like litte boys.
was browsing Popular today and couldn't quite believe that the little Shawn is now like, 4 cms taller than Joshua Ang.
always thought of Joshua Ang as the tallest and the hottest (in a singapore slightly above average way, not the whole taiwanese actor kinda hot, you know)
and and AND!
i saw Jenny McCarthy grabbing a vacant eyed younger man on E! yesterday and maaaaaaan, i want a younger man too.
but that will have to wait till i'm 30 because if not, it's ten year old boys i'm looking at.
and that is sick.
i find the noiseless, vacant eyed, pretty faced varieties very appealing.
but then again, might as well just buy a doll right.
(as in, a normal one, not the RealDolls kind okaaaay)
still debating with myself if Chang Chen or Shu Qi is hotter.
but i think probably Chang Chen because my preferences at the moment are decidedly heterosexual.
damn hot.
the show was completely ... odd, though.
it made me feel so cultureless because while i was quite hynotized by the prettiness and whimsy of it all, i still found it bloody draggy.
my sister gave up towards the end and just fell asleep.
i decided to perservere but i still didn't get it.
oh well.
ah, another irritation in my life now.
bloody California Gym.
tch tch tch!
so much reservations towards it.
i frankly do not want to invest so much precious money in exercise, because afterall, health has never been a priority and fitness even less so.
and besides that, i have always despised people who worked out.
looked upon them with all the contempt and disdain in the world.
OMG and the trainer was telling me that i would lose 4 kgs in two months.
and he looked at me as if expecting me to fall to his feet and cry in happiness.
so i went "mmm..."
when i was thinking, "WHAT, are you kidding me?! i've lost more than that in a week just lying on my bed doing nothing!"
you know, i don't understand what's with the whole working out deal.
i find them all very unattractive, these personal trainer kinds.
and even the fresh faced healthy caucasian gym manager kinds.
urk.
whiteboys are so damn... you know i don't even have a word to describe them.
and believe me, it's not good.
ARGH I AM SO IRRITATED.
my brother is a christian.
gah.
we just had a growling match.
like literally-
"gahhh"
"grarrr"
"RARRR"
"GRARRRRRR"
and so it goes.
i sat at Heathrow for three hours by myself.
yes, just sat on the seat and watched people walk past for three hours.
saw a damn pretty asian girl with a damn ugly whiteboy.
i bet Ant will like her cos she looked like the BodyShop girl.
plus a damn nice arse.
but a pre-adolescent chest.
and came back to Singapore and was so dismayed when i looked at the girls.
why all so cookiecutter?
everybody wears the same thing!
and it's like, not even like in the UK where people wear the same thing for a few months and the style changes because Kate Moss got bored with her old style.
here its like, it hasn't changed since i left in 2004.
still the same old, same old.
sure save a lot on clothes in Singapore.
and all the girls!
so thin, no boobs, no ass, don't even have legs because all so short.
damn sad.
oh god.
I AM TURNING INTO ANTHONY.
yuck.
ha ha ha, whatever you know, suddenly all girls are so unattractive because the UK ones are too fat and the Singapore ones are too thin.
i am bored and am still irritated about the gym.
gahhhh
that is just perverted.
-
this chinese show has so far been 45 minutes of beautiful actors, cool songs and no dialogue.
completely unintelligible.
OKAY PEOPLE LET'S SEE SOME SEX.
quote of the month came from Sevverl:-
"(in a hugely disappointed tone) Everybody's having sex!... (then dolefully) I don't feel special anymore!"
A levels are a bitch in the ass and then some.
OHHH, now we get it.
